i'm sorry i didn't write to you for a couple of days. i don't know how to tell the other boys but, i've started cutting.
it's the only thing that helps.
i've also been taking sleeping pills.
everytime i close my eyes i just see you there, lying in the bath, lifeless.
they help me get some sleep, at least for a few hours.
the cutting doesn't hurt. if i think about the pain of you being gone the sharp metal blade piercing my skin feels like soft kisses resting against my wrist.
how many times did you do it?
now that i think of it you wore long sleeves all the time for ages. why did i never realise. you even wore them when it was hot. fuck. why did i never say something.
i wish i just asked you if you were ok. i just... i just never thought you felt that way.
your funerals tomorrow.
i don't want to say goodbye.
until next time cal,
luke
YOU ARE READING
without you // cake
Fanfictionafter calum's death the boys decide to write their feelings down. after being with calum for almost 5 years luke finds it hard to say goodbye to his one true love and struggles to accept that he is gone
