you'll never fade to me. - a Luke Hemmings story

12.

Exactly a few hours after telling myself that I'm going to try stay away from Luke, I found myself alone in the house with him (which is just bloody fantastic). Bev had gone with our parents god knows where and left me the contact lists for all the guests just in case I needed to call them about the seating plan. We were sat on separate ends of the sofa, resting all the papers on the coffee table in front of us. The distance between us did nothing to ease the feeling of betrayal towards my sister that was constantly running through my mind, and it certainly did little to help myself from looking over to stare at him. He smelt like aftershave and mint and was playing with his hair while concentrating on the task before him, which is frankly what I should be doing.

'Do you know how many people are coming yet?' I asked, leaning my head back on the sofa and angling my face towards him in a way that probably gave me 3 chins, but who cares? As much as I'd like to think that he finds me attractive, it would be better for everyone if he didn't.

'About 75 so far? Bit big, isn't it?' He said, looking up at me for the first time in an hour. It was a bit big, but is it my wedding? No, so I'll refrain from sharing my opinion. He had a small crease in between his eyebrows where he had been frowning and noticing the fact that I had been staring at him biting his nails, he stopped quickly. 

'I guess my family knows a lot of people.' I said, trying to not look at his fingers grazing his lips. 'Oh! I almost forgot, think you're going to need to put me in with a plus one.' I added, quickly remembering Ashton and hoping to god that he would come with me because the thought of going alone made me nauseous.

'Who are you coming with? Thought all your friends were back in London?' 

'Just some guy I met recently.' I said, with a smile. I liked Ashton - he was sweet and funny and I hoped I'd see more of him soon but I couldn't help feel guilty for the fact that to anyone else it might seem like I'm using him to forget about Luke. 

'Right.' Luke said shortly. He went back to looking at the papers, his expression turning into a frown again. If it hadn't been for the fact that he was nearly my sister's husband, I'd have thought that I saw jealousy grace his features for a second. We stayed quiet for a moment but I wanted to push it. I know I shouldn't and I know I want my sister to be happy but there's just something about Luke that I can't shake. There was a constant mess going on in my head - does Bev deserve him? Does she treat him right? You could treat him better. She's your family, what the fuck are you thinking? She's also been your biggest bully since she could talk, why do you care? After what she did to you in high school? She's lucky you're even coming to her wedding.

'He's really sweet actually, I know it doesn't really matter because I'm not staying in Australia for long, but getting to know him properly is going to be fun anyway.' I said, not sure whether I was hoping for a reaction or not. To my surprise, Luke didn't even respond - not even a glance my way or a mumble that he was listening to me. 

After a few minutes, I had to break the awkward silence. Well, I felt like it was awkward but he didn't seem to be showing any signs that it affected him in the same way, still biting at his nails and writing on the paper. Suddenly, he sighed and collapsed his head on the edge of the sofa like I had a few minutes ago, looking down at me through his long eyelashes. His lips looked even more plump at this angle and he was so tall, it felt like he was hovering over me even though he was about a metre away from me. He looked at me for a few moments, before speaking;

'Should we go somewhere? I can't be bothered with this anymore.' I felt a little stab in my stomach at his words, whether it was guilt or happiness, I don't know anymore. 

'You can't be bothered with your wedding?' I said, laughing a little.

'You know what I mean, I'm too tired to do this right now. It's taking way longer than I expected and I wanna go somewhere so Valerie, beach or bowling again?'

'Beach? There'll be 200 kids there at this time, Luke. Not including you of course.' He gave me a fake smile before quickly getting up from his place, and reaching to grab his shoes.

'Shut up and let's go.' He said, and I scrambled to quickly grab all my things, with Luke waiting at the open door. I gave him a small smile as he let me through first and we got into his car, his scent filling in my nostrils even more now that we were in an enclosed space. 

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'First kiss?'

'I was 15 and it was really sloppy. On her part, I promise', Luke laughed. 

'First love?'

'Bev, I think. Although I've never been in love but I guess this is what it feels like, since I'm marrying her and everything?' Luke laughed again. 

'If you could have any job, what would it be?'

'Musician, don't even care if I never make it big - I'd honestly be happy playing at parties or even restaurants.' Luke's face grew a bit more serious and I sensed that this was going to be a deeper conversation than all the previous questions that we were bombarding each other with. We were sitting on the cold sand, a few metres from the water and it was getting colder by the second. The sun was beginning to set and most people had already left, leaving only us and a few couples. In their eyes, we were probably a couple too, I thought and my stomach did that weird stabbing thing again. My thoughts went back to Luke was saying and I snapped out of my daze.

'My date to the wedding is in a band- hey! maybe you two could meet sometimes? Wouldn't it be cool if you became friends?' I said, suddenly remembering that Ashton existed and maybe it would be a good idea to get Luke involved with his band. I'm not sure what Luke really does in his spare time, but I've never seen any of his friends come over so I'm starting to wonder whether he actually has any. I'll leave but maybe I could still make him happy by introducing him to some new people. Unfortunately, I don't think he took it that way.

'No thanks, not my type of people.' Luke said, looking away from me and into the horizon. He looked like a Renaissance painting in this moment; curly hair blowing in the wind, nose and lips at a perfect perk and his blue eyes lost in thought. He was unconsciously making little circles in the sand with his hand. All I wanted was to reach out and touch it but the mood has shifted and he had grown cold suddenly.

'Uhh, you don't even know them? How do you know you won't like them? Maybe you'll sing for them and they'll love you and you'll be the most famous band in the world!' I exclaimed, trying to cheer him up a bit but he seemed to take it as me making fun of him.

'Real funny. I'm done sitting here, let's go home now. Bev's probably waiting for us anyway.' He got up, not even looking back at me while he was heading back to the car.

'Luke, I didn't mean it like that, c'mon!' I shouted after him but he was already inside the car. The thing about Luke is that I can never predict his mood swings which in turn makes me scared to joke around with him. His comment about Bev unsettled me; it seemed like he was throwing it in my face kind of like when I mentioned Ashton to him back at home although that wouldn't make sense. He's happy with her... isn't he?