Minding Grace

23: The stories that I can't explain

She closed her eyes, savouring the warm morning sun on her body as it filtered through the surrounding trees.

All was quiet, save for the occasional bird chirping and the odd cow letting out a low bellow.

"When did it all get so hard?" James' voice broke the silence.

Grace gave a small melancholic smile, glancing at him to see his gaze trained at the massive expanse of pasture that surrounded them.

"We used to sit out here all the time, the girls running around," he nodded his head in front of them before letting out a sigh.

"I'm sorry Grace," he said, "I'm sorry for everything...I'm sorry for how our lives, how your life has turned out," he ran his hand through his hair, "none of this has been fair for you, it wasn't the life I'm sure you envisioned for yourself-"

"It was once though," she cut him off, "we were the life I wanted you know, we were happy..."

"Until I fucked it up..." he said sadly, "I should have...I should have been a man back then so you could be with a man now that deserves you and can be what you need...someone that cherishes you and loves you..."

"You do love me," Grace interrupted.

"Not how you should be though," he looked at her, "you walk into a room and I know how wonderful you are and how amazing you are but...that's it," he paused, turning to face her properly, "when you walk into a room, I should be looking at you with awe, like you're my whole world and my absolute happiness-"

"Stop, please..." Grace cut him off, his words felt like a knife to her heart, knowing he once felt that way about her but it would never happen again.

"No," James insisted, "I don't look at you like that," he paused, "but Harry does."

Grace let out a small gasp, a look of shock on her face.

"No he-" she began.

"Yes, he does, any fool can see it," James said, "and I'm certainly the biggest fool around here."

Grace looked down at her toast, suddenly not feeling hungry anymore.

"You told him about Mason last night," she asked, "why?"

"Because you need someone Grace," he sighed, "you need to be loved...hell, we all need to be loved, but I want that for you."

Grace let out a scoff.

"Why would I want someone as lovely as Harry to get involved in your fucked up family?" she asked, glancing at her husband.

"I could say the same thing about Mason," James replied, before turning his body to face her, "I'm just saying, I don't want you to live your life alone anymore, I never have-"

"Yet you made it that way," Grace replied bluntly.

James signed heavily, not knowing what else to say to convince Grace but also not wanting to push her to the point he upsets her, so he thought he'd try and change the subject.

"I don't know what's gotten into Lucy lately," he suddenly said, "to out you like that today was just..." he trailed off.

"More like what hasn't gotten into her," Grace mumbled.

James looked at her, frowning as he waited for her to clarify herself.

"Your sister wants him for herself," Grace finally replied, "she has ever since he arrived."

"Jesus, that woman wants anything with a pulse," James replied with some disgust.

Grace thought about what had transpired the other night between the three of them.