not afraid ♡ clifford

sad

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i for one had never expected a nice thoughtful compliment towards a boy whom i had only just met would spiral into such a mass of questions.

“did you get his number?”

“no” i would reply

“was he hitting on you? do you think he thinks you’re cute too?”

my caring friend emily was sweet, and always had good intentions. although when it comes to emily she is always trying to get my a boyfriend, even if nowhere compatible to me.

“does he even know your name?”

in this instance i realized as to why i had taken such a break from this girl who babbled on with questions and statements that at times made my head hurt. i turned off my phone with a sigh and placed it away from me. proceeding to roll onto my back and stare as i had many times before at my flickering ceiling. at times i almost cherished the silence of my home, the absence of constant movement and possibly bubbling arguments.

but in this specific moment of silence and blissfulness, i and all of my slightly selfish habits; felt sad. sad was quite the foreign feeling to me (even though i had rarely noticed this feeling tended to follow me quite a bit). throughout my whole life i had rarely experienced a traumatic  moment, i had both of my parents. my school years had been quite pleasant, i was surrounded by the things and the people i claimed to love. but in this specific instance, my chemically controlled mood; had decided i would be sad. i let out a almost dramatic sigh and pushed myself up from my lying position, leaning back on my hands that pushed into the comforting mattress.

i pondered all the possible reasons as to why i could feel so ‘down in the dumps’ but no matter what i always came back to the sudden assumption. that  i’m lonely, and this could be possibly true, i did have a habit of severing myself from my friends and possibly sometimes family members. but lately i had been trying to participate in social activities that i usually did get invited to but, just didn’t show up.

i finally decided to settle on one specific thought that would motivate me later in the day to venture out of my room once more, despite of it possibly also being for a smoke break.. but mostly i would convince myself that why i would leave my house at least twice a day from now on, had been.

"i want to see him again"

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hey guys!

sorry for the spacey updates! but hey new update today woop woop!

really hope you all are enjoying this story as well as i hope you enjoyed this chapter

uh, yeah!

i really appreciate the reads and votes and yeah!

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ps. sorry all these chapters are short