Rollercoaster of Lies

chapter 7

Renee:

I will just sit in there thinking about all the things I've been through I thought Chris loving but I thought wrong he knew what I've been through about me being raped by my dad the pastor and how my mom will just sit down and watch me and not say a word what kind of mom who do that I wonder no my life ain't perfect I just wanted a normal childhood but I have to grow up fast. My 12th birthday I had thought of the first time my virginity was tooken from me not by choice but by force from a man who is supposed to be a role model to the public but behind closed doors he wasn't 10 daughters he rate sad hot nasty people mind is my daddy was supposed to protect me from other men but he would just like a stranger to me one night I was sitting in my room after getting out the tub I got on my knees to say my prayers before going to bed as I laid in the bed to go to sleep my dad p in the room where I was and asked me if I was okay I say yes daddy I'm fine I'm just about to go to bed for school in the morning he was like all right then he stayed in the room with me and he looked at me in this weird feeling that I never seen him look that his child before then kiss me on my forehead and told me that he would be back to tuck me in as a girl I knew that the feeling was weird and was uncomfortable feeling at that my mom came in the room with this look on her face saying I wish I would have never had you face told me to get up she threw a lingerie on me and told me to put it on that my father is waiting in the playroom for me I couldn't believe what she was saying she still there wow I put on the lingerie she took my natural curly hair and fix it up then apply makeup to my face and spray perfume on me and told me to put on my heels she took me to the Mirror and told me tonight you become a woman after your dad finish with you it's nothing to be scared of is normal I've been through it and your sister's been through it now is your turn to make me proud I didn't understand what she was talking about I didn't know what was going on to a head and how sick it was as the tears roll down my face she took a napkin and apted and told me not to cry just to relax it won't hurt a bit why would she tell me something like this my mom was sick in the head the woman who gave birth to me the woman who was supposed to even though my dad didn't want her anymore he wanted some new something fresh a version that's what he wanted I wanted to say myself for somebody special but they said we wasn't nothing nobody want want us why would they say something like that to they kids as I sit down the tears roll down my face as I think about my past . My past is the worst past ever in history and I wanted a way out.

After my mom was done with me she walk me down the hall into this Red Room that have whips and chains on the wall and other sex toys that I didn't know where it had a bed in the middle of the room as my mom said on the side of me and help me undress and told me just to lay down and relax and started rubbing on me the worst feeling ever I try to hold back the tears as my dad came between my legs and put his Longwood in and start going slow and told me your mind your mind I own you I own your body no one can not have this but me when you're 18 I will make you my wife and we will live happily ever after no one don't want you only but I. Don't worry be played in my head over and over day after day I felt No Love but just pain why would my dad do some like this why will my mom let this happen I wanted a way out I wanted a way out I wanted a way out as the word we played over and over in my head looking up at the stars sitting outside my apartment why I burn my sheets that my ex-boyfriend ruined by sleeping with another.