Always A Step Behind: An EarnPete Fanfic

7. History

Pete

I kissed Earn.

I kissed him.

My bestfriend.

My first love.

I met Earn on the second week of kindergarten. I came in late because my parents who were both doctors weren't able to find a nanny for their liking to take care of me while they're busy taking care of others. I should be sad about it, but it gained me my bestfriend so I didn't have anything to complain.

Earn was this sarcastic, grumpy, shut off little boy, who enjoyed the company of himself. I was kind of pulled towards him the first time I saw him. And no matter how many times he rejected my offer of friendship, and no matter how many curses met my well thought off greetings for him everyday, I wasn't the one to back down.  And so, he had no choice but to befriend me.

The day he decided to let me in his exclusive world was the day I thought my life changed. I gained a bestfriend. Someone whom I did almost everything with.

It was in 6th grade when Earn came out to me. We were in the school lobby waiting for  the school bus to come and fetch us.

"I like boys." Earn said, still with air of stubbornness around him.

"I like boys too. I like you." What's so big deal about it?

"No! I don't like boys the way you like boys.I mean, I like boys the way you like girls. Do you get me?" 

That time, I didn't. It was not until when we were in 8th grade that I finally got what he meant, when he introduced me to his first boyfriend. He was a year older  and from another school.

I remembered the dread I felt back then. The fear of losing my bestfriend wasn't a joke. It drove me into doing crazy stuff as far as throwing Earn's phone away just to get him to stop communicating with the asshole. (Up until today, Earn was still convinced that he lost it on the bus because I manipulated him to think so 😁)

It only worked for a while though, cause the next day, Earn had himself a new phone.

It was a whole six months of trying to be happy as you watch your bestfriend took care of someone else other than you. Six months of trying to understand why he bailed out on you the last minute because his (in)significant other craved for some chocolate chip cookie that he needed to deliver personally. (That asshole!)

Those were the times I realized how much I cared for my bestfriend. Seeing him happy made me forget all the fears and pain of seeing him with someone else other than me.

It was a dreadful six months for me, that ended because Earn caught the asshole cheating on him with a girl. I might come off as an arse to you, but I felt happy and relieved at that time because I thought, finally, I got my bestfriend back. But boy, was I wrong.

After the break up, Earn somewhat returned to that secluded little boy again. He refused to be annoyed and often opted to stay alone. He was impossible to deal with at that time. I went around like crazy looking for ways to appease him. It was not until I forced him to joined the band  I was in, that he finally came to his senses.

I got him back, for the second time. Or so I thought. He started seeing people again. And I started to harbor feelings towards him, which I knew was way beyond friendship. I got confused. And scared. That was why I started to date. I was trying to convince myself that I wasn't in love with my bestfriend who happened to be a guy as well. I even slept around with a few girls just to prove a point. But then again, I guess the heart really wants what it wants.

I stopped trying when we reached the 10th grade. By then, Earn had had his heartbroken twice by different people---I should know, because I was always the one who helped him put it back together. Atleast not until we got passed out drunk or skipped class to visit the beach. In that course, I had mine broken the same number but by the same person. My bestfriend.

Secret love was painful. But unrequited love was way beyond the normal meter. That's what I realized when Noh came into the picture. I've never seen Earn so invested into someone. That was why, when he got hurt, I felt the pain twice more.

The confrontation at the camp last time, cemented the fact that Earn still cared for Noh big time! Despite of Noh having a boyfriend and making it clear with him. And that pissed me off. I tried to distance myself from him after that, because I was scared that I might confessed right there and then and ruin our friendship just like that.

I was scared. And so I ran.

I was happy when Earn ran after me. I  hardly  was able to contain my jubilation when I saw how much effort he had put in just to make up with me.

Then, he got so concerned about Yuri and I. Given Yuri and Noh's history, I can't help but thought that his concern towards Yuri was still propelled by what he felt for Noh. And that hurts like fvck! I guess, keeping my feelings for him all this time was just right. Maybe, there was really no way Earn would like me the way I like him.

And then he was blabbering about his actions when I asked him about it.

"It's just that, these past few days, you were all Yuri this and Yuri that. You even went as far as turning me down for her. Which is a first for me. I don't know, maybe I'm just too caught up with my self and am being so stuck up that I refused to share. I am so used to having you all for myself, and now that you have someone new you want to hang out with, I kind of feel weird and selfish and possesive and...urrgh! Am I making sense?"

He made a fvcking lot of sense. This was basically what I felt all those times when he's with someone else. Maybe there's a chance, somewhere in his words, I saw a glimmer of chance.

I was too happy that I wasn't thinking when I grabbed and kissed him.

I kissed Earn.

I kissed my bestfriend.

I kissed my first love.

....

Oh, wait. He kissed me back.