Can you love a ghost? // H.S✔️

42. Four days

I haven't spoken in four days. Four days since I learnt my mum and dad have died. Four days since I ate something. Four days since I drank something. Four days since I washed. Four days since I spoke to Harry. Four fucking days I've truly felt alone in this world.

"Honey I've brought you up some sandwiches. I wondered if you'd like to try and have something to eat now. I'll leave it outside with a glass of water" I hear Aaron's mum set a tray down outside the door and walk away. I sit on the window seat with an empty mind. I have no one. I don't need to live for anyone now.

After I was told of their death I was driven the Long three hour journey to the London hospital to visit them. I stared for two hours at their lifeless bodies willing them to move. Willing them to breath one last time so they can hear me. So I can say goodbye. So I can tell them I love them. That they done a good job bringing me up and that it's my own fault I'm a complete fuck up.

I eventually was taken away by PC Gates after begging her to leave me here so I could spend one night with them. I heard of what happened and that's that they were involved in a head on crash with a lorry that drifted into their lane. The driver had fallen asleep for a spilt second after driving non stop for eight hours. They assured me that mum and dad died instantly from impact which I suppose is some kind of relief.

After the hospital they asked if I had any family I explained my parents are both only child's and I only have one set of grandparents left who are living in an elderly care home and are not fit to look after me. They probably wouldn't remember my name or who I was with their progressive dementia. The only person I could think of was Aaron and his mum Pippa. Once they contacted Pippa and asked whether she would be prepared in looking after me for a while I was dropped off there. Aaron welcomed me with open arms and tried to comfort me but it was useless there are three people in this world that could comfort me and all three are now dead. I was shown to the spare room and that's where i have been for the past four days.

I have no idea what day of the week it is and my phone has been off since I arrived. There is no clock in this room so all the hours of the day roll into one. I roughly get an idea of the time when Aaron gets in from school and knocks at the door.

So when he knocks I'm judging it's four in the afternoon. Although I'm not greeted by Aaron's soft voice.

"Hello Holly. It's Niall Horan I was wondering if I could come in and have a chat"

Without answering him he is opening the door and slowly walks in watching my reaction which is emotionless. I keep my head down resting on my knees. I hear him place the tray down which by the smell of it has fresh food and a glass of water.

"Afternoon Holly" I hear him sit down on the bed. I hear the familiar sound of his notebook opening and him placing his glasses on his head.

"I'm very sorry to hear of your parents passing, Anne became a close friend in the short time we worked together at the hospital. This must be extremely hard for you after everything you've been through. But I'm hear today to be a friend more than anything. A listening ear"

I don't move, I can't talk after four days I feel like I've forgotten how to or that nothing will come out even if I wanted it to.

"It will take a while to greave but you must understand that it's ok and you are allowed to take as long as you want. There is no pressure and in your own time you'll be ready to talk to someone"

I hear him take a sip of whatever drink Pippa has given him and place it back down on the bedside table.

"Your mother thought very highly of you. I need you to know that. I know you felt a burden to them both and that you weren't being the daughter they wanted. But I assure you, you were perfect to them. They wouldn't of wanted you any other way. She was very proud of you. Always talking of you fondly"

I take a slow inhale and exhale. I keep quiet just listening to my own heartbeat. Wishing I wasn't here. How will I ever get over this. I will never be able to live the rest of my life without them.

"Is there anything you would like to talk about? Any concerns you have?"

He must be getting bored of my nonexistent conversation. It's very much one sided.

"I'm not going to stay. I'll let you be but please remember I'm here to talk to you. Pippa has my number and I'm available day or night whatever time it doesn't matter. I'm here for you" I hear him slowly get up and leave the room closing the door behind him.

What feels like hours have passed and there is a knock on the door "I'm coming in" it's Aaron I hear him come over and sit in front of me on the window seat.

"Holly please talk to me. I'm so worried. I want to be here for you but I'm scared I'm doing it wrong. Please help me out here" he softly says.

I let out a small cough. My throat is so dry and I'm weak I can barely move. I suppose I need to talk at some point nows a best time than any other.

"Why me?" I whisper.

"I don't know Holly. I don't. It's always the good people"

"Everyone from my life has disappeared and I'm left here on my own with no one"

"I'm here Hols and Jess. She wants to see you. But you've not spoken in four days she's not sure you'd welcome her"

"I miss them so much it's only been four days how am I going to cope for the rest of my life. They will never see me marry, have kids. I'll never see them grow old and retire and be grandparents. They would of been the best"

"You're right they would of been but remember they will see all that. They'll be looking down at you forever."

"I don't think I can live anymore. What have I got waiting for me here"

"Me"

"It's not enough. Sorry Aaron. You mean the world to me but it's not enough"

I hear him sigh. "You just need time. You'll be ok and you have so much support around you. Please eat something and have a drink"

"I don't want to be here. I can't see the point."

"Holly there is every point. I need you. So many people need you. You don't realise you bring more to this world than you think."

I reach out and pick up a cold glass of water and sip the refreshing liquid it soothes my dry aching throat. I don't see any way out now. Everyone I love is up there. Mum, dad, Pebbles and even Harry. I need to be with them. I want to be with them and this time I know Harry will welcome me with open arms. It's the only thing that will make me happy. I'm not strong enough. Not now maybe if all this red bitch shit hadn't gone down and it hadn't slowly broken me I would be strong enough to come out the other side.

"Aaron?" I call before he leaves the room.

"Yes baby?"

"I need to collect my things from the house can we go tomorrow?"

"Yes of course I'll take us there" he closes the door and says goodnight.

I decide to have a shower and change my clothes I've borrowed Pippa's clothes for now and I'm desperate for some normality. I need to step out of this nightmare. I need to see Harry but he hasn't shown himself. I wonder if he's up there introducing himself to mum and dad. My boyfriend meeting the parents for the first time I should be there for that.

I lay in bed and look at the plain ceiling and I pull the covers close to my chest. I close my eyes and think about my family all up there without me.

"I'll see you all soon"

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