home // l.h. // book 4

happy holidays

mid december
7:33 a.m.
north carolina

luke and i sat in silence as we watched modern family. he had already seen the episode, but agreed to watch it since i was at work when it aired.

the last month together has been incredible. our days are quiet and peaceful, but i couldn't ask for more. it's everything i wanted. he knows how to have fun but also knows when i need my quiet moments or space.

my anxiety attacks have been a lot less frequent and i have been feeling better everyday. i've slowly gotten myself into a routine and work most days. luke just finished his last final earlier this morning and now we have a day to ourselves before we pack and head back home. it feels like we were just there, but with the wedding coming soon, it'll be nice to be around.

luke's fingers ran through my hair as my eyes slowly began to droop. my head was on his chest and i could hear his heartbeat. it was one of my favorite things because it was so calming.

"baby?" luke asked softly.

"hmm." i hummed in response, looking up at his piercing blue eyes.

"do you ever miss your old self?" he inquired, voice soft as silk.

i pursed my lips and thought for a moment. did i really miss who i used to be? maybe sometimes, but only the good parts of her.

"maybe, sometimes. why do you ask?" i was now sitting up, facing him.

"i just feel like the person who i used to be was better. more successful. i don't know." he sighed and shook his head.

"what are you talking about? i love who you are now." i smiled, stroking his cheek. "here's the thing about past lives, luke: you miss them, but you only miss parts of them. you're not less successful than you were two years or even months ago."

he gave a small smile and a curt nod. he clasped our hands together and his thumb softly ran over my knuckles.

"what made you think of your past life anyway?"

he shrugged and bit his nails, a habit he's had since we were young. "just too much time on my hands, i guess. worried i failed my music final."

my soft smile fell to a frown. "don't say that, babe. you're an incredible musician."

"i just know there's someone better."

"there will always be someone better. but there will never be someone as unique or as original as you." i softly smiled and luke returned it. "you have such an amazing sense for musicality and your lyrics are like poems. your music is real."

luke now had a full smile on his face and he softly pressed his lips against mine. luke grasped the back of my neck to deepen the kiss and i reveled in the feeling.

before i let it get too far, i pushed him away gently and smiled. "we should probably pack, our flight is in four hours."

his soft lips pouted and i rolled my eyes as i sauntered into my bedroom. luke had been spending most nights at my place for the last month, returning to his apartment for clothes and a shower. if i wasn't home, he'd spend the day at his place instead of mine. otherwise we were together pretty much all the time.

he told me he liked my place better because i didn't have annoying roommates, and every time my eyes would roll.

"and why are your roommates so terrible?" i remember asking him as we sat out on the porch.

"first of all, harry acts like a twelve year old and can barely pick up after himself. niall isn't really that bad, he's just not around, so it's quiet, but when he is, it's loud. and liam acts like my goddamn mother." luke huffed, his long fingers running through his hair.