Anyone But Me

Chapter Forty-One

Unwillingly she churned over the Gray Lady's advice all the way through rounds. No matter how hard she tried to think of other things, her mind continued to weave back to the words of warning. She turned them over and over again. As hard as she struggled to find some hidden meaning to the message... It was straight forward enough.

Overthinking things can cloud your judgment. Keep listening to those Gryffindor instincts first and you will make the correct choices.

What good did it do her when her instincts screamed one hundred different things at once? Certainly the guidance would have been different if the Ravenclaw ghost had known the whole situation... There was no way she, or anyone, would approve of Hermione sneaking around to shack up with a confirmed Death Eater. Reformed or not!

The choice would never be acceptable. A deception tantamount to Judas Iscariot's betrayal. Especially in the Wizarding World... The traitorous knife she wielded was even heavier because it was against "The Boy Who Lived". The Chosen One, a true to life accidental savior. Forgiveness would not be easily obtained if the truth of what she had already done was to come out. Which it would... Theodore Nott was proof enough of that.

She turned the corner down another dark corridor and ignored the hushed whispers for quiet behind a set of statues. Her distracted state had afforded many couples a pass that night. Instead of stopping and taking the time from her musing, she left them for a different Prefect to happen upon and deal with. She rolled her eyes as the silence needed to conceal the happenings finally fell much too late, but continued on. Once again repeating the last seven sentences said to her earlier that evening. A different set of words stood out to her this time though:

Do not live your life afraid of what others think of you. That only leads to hastily excused decisions which turn into regrets eventually.

Had she not done just that at her fear of discovery? Made a monumental decision in a single moment because of her terror? Would she one day grow to regret not seeing where it could have gone? When Death was on her doorstep would this be her biggest mistake? If they won and she survived to the age of one hundred and fifty would she still dream of him?

The answer to all of those questions was a loud and demanding "Yes".

They all already rang true... And if she was honest with herself, hadn't her instincts spoken that first night? Before her toxic doubts could start staining anything... She had chosen to trust Draco. It could have been a mix of the confusion, desperation, adrenaline, hormones- and whatever else she wanted to blame. But deep down, even then, on some subconscious level she had to have known that he was a part of her future. Why else would she have ever taken the risk in the first place?

It was obvious that she was the one who had interrupted whatever he was doing in the room. Fate had put her in his path that night...

Or maybe she was overthinking again... Trying to find some hidden meaning so she could ease her guilty conscience. It could very well boil down to the fact that after spending time with him, he had become someone who actually made her happy in this madhouse of a school and she didn't want to lose that connection.

Whatever the reason, continuing to ignore his existence after the warnings given to her felt wrong. Even more wrong than being a traitor...

When she rounded the next corner, the first true smile in too long slipped onto her lips. She still had forty-five minutes left to her shift on patrol but started to make her way towards the seventh floor nonetheless. There was a chance, no matter how small, that he had still come up to escape from the ridiculousness of the holiday. If he wasn't there then she would have to resort to requesting for a meet up in the morning. And hope he would answer her...