Stuck in Perfection (Louis Tomlinson) /discontinued/

Chapter 11

Previously in "Stuck In Perfection":

I quickly get into my bed and cry into my pillow. The tears continue down my cheeks and I don't even make an effort to muffle the awful sobbing noises I'm making. After awhile I calm down but the pain is still there. I still feel the hurt. I can still hear the sound it made. Still feel his palm on my cheek.

There's a knock on my door. Whoever it is doesn't wait for my permission to enter the room. They sit on the edge of my bed and start to rub my back. I look up and see who it is.

*~*~*

Amelia's pretty face is looking at me sadly. She knows what just happened. And feels sorry for me. I can't blame her for pitying me. But I don't want her pity. I turn away from her and face the other side of my room. I can't bare to see her sad face. See that look in her eyes.

"Go away Amelia," I manage to mumble. I feel like I'm going to start crying again. I don't want to. I don't want my sister to see that. It makes me look weak and I won't give her the satisfaction of seeing that.

"No," she states.

I turn my head and peek at her. Her face is set hard and she looks serious. Why won't she just leave me alone? Is she here to rub it in my face? That she can hide her secret life better than me? I put my face back into my pillow and let it all out. I don't care that she's here. I can't hold it in any longer. I cry till I'm all dried out. Till my nose is to stuffed to breath and I can't produce any more tears.

I feel Amelia rubbing my back again. "I'm not leaving Zoey. I won't let you be alone here," she says. I just stare at her, not believing my ears. I start to wonder if I'm even awake. Probably not. But it all seems real. The slap. I can still feel it. Still see the rage in my father's eyes. Still hear the hatred and disgust in his voice. All so real, so vivid, so terrible. Her touch feels real enough. Her words seem sincere enough. But it's all such a haze. So unreal at the same time.

I don't know reality from my own imagination anymore. It's all fading together now. Blending in to one another, confusing me. Making it hard to tell which world I'm in. Was my kiss with Louis at the park real? Or was that just a figment of my imagination? A dream that'll never become real? If it really did happen, was it really only a few hours ago? That he was confessing that he liked me? That he kissed me and I told him I liked him too?

Is Amelia really here, on my bed rubbing my back, telling me that she won't leave me alone to suffer? The same girl who hates me with all her guts? The same girl who wants nothing to do with me because I don't approve of her low-life boyfriend? The one who refuses to have a conversation with me? The girl who gives me bone chilling death glares every time we pass each other?

"Why?" I ask. It doesn't make sense to me. My head hurts. My crying jag has given me a headache. My thoughts are fuzzy. I'm not even sure whether or not I'm awake.

"You're my sister," she answers simply. Is that really all she has to say? If she really believes that then why has she been pushing me away so much? Refusing to talk to me. Refusing to look at me without hatred in her eyes?

"That didn't mean anything to you before."

"I know. I was mad. I was stupid Zoey. But... I saw him do it. I saw him slap you. And that did it for me. It took all my self control to not barge in here and attack him. He had no right to do that to you, Z."

I don't know what to say. I... I actually believe her. All I've wanted was for her to speak to me again. To no longer hate me. And it looks like I'm finally getting that. I force a small smile. It hurts my cheeks, which are dry from my tears. They're all stiff from them. I feel my eyelids get heavy. They start to droop.