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Chapter 12

"I hadn't had the best of childhoods. The circumstances were quite similar to Severus' but less severe. My mother and later I were not happy.

My father was a muggle and my mother hadn't told him that she was a witch, and so she had to hide her magical abilities. The older I got, the more she had to cover up for my accidental magic and soon my brothers were starting to show their first signs of magic, too. It wasn't long before she wasn't able to cover everything, and so she told him everything. He wasn't pleased and simply told her to go on doing everything without magic.

Once I got my letter, I was so relieved. I was so relieved that soon I wouldn't have to hide that special part of me. Soon I would be allowed to use my magic without having to control it all the time.

I still remember my mother looking at the train with such a longing look it made me want to take her with me just so that she could do magic for at least a day.

Well, later on, I met a nice guy and for some time we were going out. We loved each other. Dougal even asked me to marry him but - He was a muggle, and I was so afraid of ending up like my mother. I really loved him but I left him.

I went to the ministry but after two years I quit there and started teaching here.

During the first war, Dougal and his wife and child were brutally murdered. I'm still asking myself what would have happened if I had agreed to marry him. Would I have been able to save him?

However, sometime later my old boss from the ministry asked me to marry him. He had been pleading for a long time, he asked so often that I stopped counting. I eventually agreed, and we lived in Hogsmeade in a small cottage but Elphinstone died three years later after a venomous spider bit him.

I, then, moved back to the castle, always thinking of what could have been different.

I still love Dougal with all my heart and I feel so guilty for doing that to him. Not only that, but I feel like I am the one who killed him. He was on a walk with his family and death eaters randomly chose them to have fun. If I had just married him, he would have been better protected.

They died thirty years ago, in the very early stages of the first war. In the prior years, it didn't affect me that much, but yesterday was different.

I went to Elphinstone's and my old cottage because it has been thirteen years without him. I may have never loved him as much as Dougal, but he still holds a part of my heart. I haven't been there since he died and it - it was simply too much."

Hermione watched the usually tough and brave woman she admired reduce to a crying bundle sitting behind a desk.

She reached over and pulled her former professor in for a much-needed hug and let her cry out all her anguish.

Nevertheless, only shortly after that, the elderly witch regained her composure.

"Thank you, Hermione, I do guess you were right. Sometimes the best you can do is to talk to someone. Now I know why everyone always came to me to talk about problems that they couldn't discuss with just anyone."

Both women smiled at each other.

"See, I told you. I'm so sorry for your losses. However, I have to quote our late headmaster at this point: "It doesn't do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." I'd even go as far as to extend that. I would say: "It doesn't do to dwell on dreams and all the what-ifs and forget to live." Maybe going to the cottage yesterday was your first step in the direction of learning to cope with all that happened to you. I don't mean the excessive drinking you utilized today, but rather that you speak to people."

Hermione took Minerva's hand and squeezed it gently.

"Professor, what exactly did you mean when you said that your childhood wasn't the best but still better than Severus'? Harry told us bits, but even he doesn't know more than that his mother has been friends with Severus."

The now composed headmistress sighed: "I don't think that it is me you should be asking concerning his childhood. While I do know quite some things I picked up on over the years, I think it should be Severus himself talking about it when he is ready." With that, the topic was closed. "Now, I heard that you are going to apprentice under dear Severus?" The older witch arched an eyebrow and smirked.

"Well, yes. He offered me an apprenticeship, and who would I be to say no to that? I honestly am more than honoured."

"As far as I know, you are his first apprentice. He either thinks you're very proficient with potions or he really likes you or maybe even both." Hermione couldn't believe that Minerva McGonagall just said that, but it shocked her more to see her former head of house wink at her as she said these things.

"Hermione? Are you here?" called a very familiar baritone voice from near the fireplace. The headmistress sent her former student a meaningful look which made the young brown-haired witch blush.

Only seconds after that a black-haired man with a crooked nose wearing a black button-down shirt and black trousers walked up to the women.

"Here you are. It's quite late, the little monsters are asleep. It's time to retire for tonight if you want to start your apprenticeship tomorrow." He extended his hand for her to take, and she did as he requested.

"You want to start tomorrow?" He just looked at her, and she knew that he wasn't going to answer that now.

"Glad to see you away from a bottle of firewhiskey for once today", said Severus nodding in the headmistress' direction before taking his leave. Hermione giggled a bit and bid the headmistress goodnight before following her current roommate through the floo.

"Now, what did she tell you? What had her that out of control?", asked Severus as he sat down in his favoured armchair conjuring himself a tumbler and a bottle of firewhiskey and a bottle of red wine with a red wine glass for Hermione.

"Everything was too much for her at the moment. You know, with her losing her husband thirteen years ago. Adding to that she's thinking whether things would have gone different if she just had married her first love when she was in her early twenties. She feels responsible for the murder of him and his wife and child thirty years ago. It was overwhelming for her and someone can only take that much until they snap."

The middle-aged man nodded his head and took a sip of his whiskey.

After a few minutes of complete silence, Hermione spoke again. "She also said that her childhood wasn't exactly a happy one but still way better than yours. I mean, I know that your family was poor and that you were friends with Lily Evans, but that's all that Harry told us as an explanation for his sudden change of opinion on you."

The black-eyed man's head snapped up in utter surprise.

"Why would you want to learn more about me or my childhood?"

She smiled softly at him before answering: "Because I like you. I always try to get to know the people I'd consider friends as good as possible."

At first, he didn't answer. Hermione drank down the last of her wine before standing up and saying: "It's late though, I'll be going to bed. Good night."

She turned on her heel, rushing into the bathroom with a blush on her cheeks, leaving a gobsmacked potions master in her wake. Before he could react, he heard the water in the bath starting to run, and so he changed into his nightclothes and went to see how Draco and Harry were doing before retiring for the night and falling asleep rather fast.