nikki misery : save myself from me

Misery Machine

[Nikki's POV] 

They walked backstage after they finished their set, it was amazing. Jeremy absolutely loved it. And so did Ash. And so did I. Tyler had went back to the bus and Nick, well, Nick had his eyes on someone in The Undead but I wasn't sure who. "Your show was amazing guys!!" Jeremy exclaimed as they walked back. They all said thanks, y'know, other than Riot. 

"Do you guys wanna hang out?" Ashley asked us all, pausing her conversation with August. "Yeah okay," I said. And The Undead agreed and Steven asked Riot, "You gonna come?" She hesitated and then shook her head.

I was disappointed. 

I was very interested in her story, i wanted to know more. No, I needed to know more, and I was going to. Whether she liked it or not.

[Riot's POV] 

They were all talking, while I was caught up in my thoughts. You're not good enough, why are you even standing in the same room as them? They kept telling me. I zoned out of reality, listening to the voices. 

"Do you guys wanna hang out?" I heard Ashley say. They all agreed then looked at me. I felt terrible. It was my first day of Warped. There was bigger crowds, and I don't even like my voice, let alone feel like anyone else does, and I've only played some crowds before. I heard my heart bounce in my chest. 

"You gonna come?" I hesitated, I like them and all, but my anxiety is through the roof, and I want to be alone. Please god no. I shook my head, my eyes focused on Nikki. I really really liked Nikki. I know it's like, you only met him, but I've looked up to him since he joined New Years Day. 

A frown laced his lips. Also lipstick, but yeah. 

"Awe, okay then.. see you on the bus Riot," Austin said to me. I nodded and quickly walked off to the bus. 

I hate this. They hate you. Why'd you run? I didn't run. Yes you did, and they think you're a freak. No they probably don't. Yes they do. 

My conversation with my mind as I walked onto the bus continued and made my heart race even more. I began to get dizzy. 

I stumbled to my bunk and crawled into it, curling into a ball and hoping I could fall asleep. 

I've always had trouble sleeping. 

Sleep, sleep sleep. Please just fucking sleep. 

No, you're not going to sleep. I'm gonna stay up and worry my ass off over nothing. 

I'll put on some music, that will calm me down. I took out my iPod and began to play my playlist. The first song that came on was Lithium by Nirvana. I miss my dad. I know I haven't met him, because mom was pregnant when he died. But I still miss the memories we could have had together if we was in a better place. I cried a little bit. I'm a mess. 

I'm so happy, cause today, I found my friends, they're in my head. 

Yeah, me too, dad. Me too. 

My mind

Is like

A 

Misery Machine. 

[Nikki's POV] 

We all went to a cafe down the street. I got coffee. It was nice, but I thought of Riot. They were all chatting about My Chem or something like that, but I was curious. "What's the story with Riot?" They looked shocked. "W-what do you m-mean?" Austin stuttered. "I mean like, why does she only sing? Who or what disturbed her enough to make her shut herself out from the world? How does a band work with her? How do you get any work done? Is she actually okay? And how would you know?" 

Steven, Austin, August and Anthony's jaws had all dropped and they looked shocked, and so did Ash and Jeremy. "Dude, don't ask that!" Jeremy scolded me and before I could say anything Steven chimed in. "No, no.. it's okay, everybody asks.. I can't tell you her story because we told her we wouldn't tell anyone, and it's very private to her. She had many people disturb her, and many people were against her in life, that's all I'll say about that. She only sings, because it's her passion, she's always loved music and always will." He paused for a minute. "Well.. I don't know if she's okay, she always tells me she is, and she's fine, but, in the past she actually told me she's guilty of saying she's fine when she's not.. she's worries me too. I know it's quite worrying, and you've only met her Nikki." 

I nodded. "Thank you for answering me as much as you can.. and it is concerning.." Steven nodded. "Especially since I'm her best friend." The others were shocked but Steven and I kept talking about her. 

He told me she shuts herself away from them a lot of the times and he has no clue why. But, on the bright side, he said, she texts him when somethings are wrong, and she still has a sense of humor. I asked him about how her voice sounded when she spoke. He hesitated. "Well.. it sounded.. this might seem odd, but she sounded raspy, rockstar-like and.. posh? Her voice sounded soft, completely opposite to her singing voice, it always was." Wow.. "Wow man.. you seem to be having a hard time with her like this." He nodded. "Yeah.." "I'm very sorry about that," I told him. "It's okay." He said then turned to say something to Austin. 

I began thinking about her..

Shit, I never asked about her real name.. 

written: 20th of july

published: 15th of october