𝐆𝐎𝐍𝐄, 𝐆𝐎𝐍𝐄 / 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐊 𝐘𝐎𝐔

ᴄᴜᴀᴛʀᴏ

It's Sunday night when Eddie finally gets a chance to listen to the mix-tape.

He tried to listen to it when Sam left on Friday, but his mom suddenly produced a list of extra chores for him to do- and she wanted them done right then, not later. So Eddie pulled the ladder out of the old shed in the corner of the backyard and cleaned out the gutters, washed the windows, cut back the overgrowth around the front porch, and raked up all the sea of fallen leaves covering the front yard. Inside he set up dinner, brought down some cobwebs his mom couldn't reach, and vacuumed the staircase. It was close to ten when he was finally done, and when he got into bed he meant to listen to it, but he fell asleep before he could even remember where he put his Walkman.

Saturday was similar to Friday, except his mom dragged him along with her to see his aunts. She stayed much longer than usual, persuaded him to clean up around their house, and when they got back home that evening Eddie remembered he hadn't done his homework the night before. He tackled it all at once, finishing up close to midnight and missing dinner. His mom tried to force him to eat something, but he was too exhausted and passed out fully dressed on top of the covers. In the morning he couldn't even remember if he had nightmares or not, and was glad for that.

Now, Eddie gets his drawing pad and sits at his desk, Walkman ready with his headphones pressing his hair down and snug around his ears. He tried calling Richie earlier to go see a movie, but he wasn't home. Eddie left a message with Mr. Tozier to have Richie call him back when he gets home, please, and it's almost eleven and he hasn't heard the phone ring once. Richie's usually pretty good about getting back to him, but maybe he got caught up with something. Or someone...

Eddie ignores the thought and presses play, nodding along as "Lovesong" fills his ears. It's not his style, but he's heard it enough times in Richie's car to appreciate it, so he hums along as he starts to sketch. Thick lines form under his hand as the next couple songs go by, and he pauses to study his work as "Open Arms" starts and-- "Open Arms"? That's an odd one. He knows Richie likes Journey, but not once has he ever willing listened to this song, because it's "corny and idealistic", as Richie claims. Eddie likes the song, though, so he listens and keeps moving his pencil over the paper in his best attempt at trees. They look more like stumpy stick figures.

"Genius of Love", "Amanda", and a song he knows from his own collection go by, and when "Stand By Me" starts, Eddie thinks that Richie wasn't kidding- this mix is definitely different. Richie has given him plenty of tapes over the years, mostly filled with headbanger songs that Eddie can't stand but with a hidden gem or two if he takes the time to listen through. But Richie usually just tosses them at him, says something like "Here, live a little," and teases him when Eddie complains that the songs give him a headache.

Eddie recalls Richie telling him to listen to it alone and wonders... why would he tell him that? Because he's embarrassed by the songs he chose? Or is it because he's planning some elaborate prank? Or maybe it's because it's all corny love songs and-

Love songs.

Eddie rewinds the tape and starts to make a list, ignoring the very small bubble of elation forming in his chest. No, it can't be anything more than just a tape. Richie said it's a birthday gift, but he also said "sort of", like he wasn't sure what else to call it.

"My Girl" comes up, then "You've Got To Hide Your Love Away", and "Sweet Child O' Mine", "Heroes", a song Eddie doesn't know but a guy sings "I think I love you" a lot, "Wish You Were Here", something by Metallica Eddie's heard in Richie's car, "Just What I Needed", something with a dance beat that sings "Tell it to my heart", "All I Want Is You", and "Point of No Return", one of Eddie's favorites.

Just as Eddie thinks side two is over and he's about to start freaking the hell out, a last song starts to play that he's heard somewhere before, but he doesn't know the name, the words, or the singer. It starts with a slow guitar and drum beat, and it's so obviously a song about love that he doesn't need to listen to the words to figure it out, but he listens anyway. He abandons his pencil and drawing pad in favor of sprawling out over the bed, Walkman clutched close to his chest as he sinks into the music. It's... beautiful. The hopeful bubble inflates inside him and he closes his eyes, thinking of how nervous Richie seemed when he handed the tape over, how quiet he was the whole day, how the tape is addressed to him specifically, with no room for confusion.

Eddie stretches out toward the nightstand and stands the case up to face him, turning it at an angle so he can put his head down on the pillow and stare at it sideways.

For Eds, Love Rich.

LOVE Rich.

Of course they love each other- they all do. You can't fight a sadistic, murdering clown-monster-demon together and not come out caring deeply for one another. And they've grown closer, more so when Mike started going to school with them in tenth grade, and even though Ben and Bill are gone the Losers are inseparable.

But his friendship with Richie has always been different. Where it was full of constant bickering and teasing when they were younger, as they've gotten older it's become tense, and the teasing is still there, but has taken a different turn. Eddie knows what he feels for Richie is deeper than friendship, and he's accepted that things will never progress the way he wants.

So this tape can't be anything.

His eyes stay fixed on the bold writing on the case.

Eddie hits the rewind button and listens to the last song again, and the small, hopeful bubble isn't so small anymore. It grows with each repeat of the song, swells as he pictures Richie's dark eyes framed by his mess of equally dark strands of hair. In Eddie's mind he takes Richie's glasses off his face and sets them aside, takes Richie's jaw between his hands and leans in, breathing frighteningly close to his mouth. So close, but he doesn't move in.

"Richie..." Eddie murmurs aloud, and he jolts out of his thoughts at the sound of his own voice. His face feels like it's burning as he hurriedly gets up to shut the light off and climbs back into bed, under the covers, with the Walkman stuffed under the corner of his pillow. It's bulky but he doesn't care; he wants to fall asleep listening to the tape.

Eddie dares to hope as he drifts off to sleep that maybe- just maybe- Richie might feel the same way.