𝐆𝐎𝐍𝐄, 𝐆𝐎𝐍𝐄 / 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐊 𝐘𝐎𝐔

Qᴜɪɴᴄᴇ

On Wednesday morning Eddie's mom is out the door with her bags packed, and she tells him that she'll be back Sunday night- maybe sooner. He doesn't have time to panic again, because not ten minutes later Richie picks him up, and he's forced to try and carry on through the day as usual.

At lunch the Losers try to make plans for the upcoming weekend; Stan suggests going bowling, while Mike tries to convince them all to go shooting out on the farm. Richie says he doesn't care what they do, and Bev comes up with going to see a movie.

"We haven't all gone together in a while," she says, scribbling across a sheet of paper full of equations, scooting it away from Richie's tray- the danger zone. "We can see Carlito's Way. It's got Al Pacino," she says, smiling when Mike elbows her gently.

"Oh, well we have to see it!" Richie gasps, and Bev tosses a fry at him.

"Why not?" Mike says while Stan nods, and it seems like the plans are set, and, well, maybe it will be fun? They can get there early, maybe get dinner before, sneak snacks inside- it's dark enough, and-

And then Eddie suddenly can't breathe.

He doesn't mean to think about it. He doesn't want to think about it. But it's in his head now, and he feels like he's dragged back to that night, washing his hands at the bathroom sink in the theater, and fuck- he even remembers what he was thinking. He couldn't get his mind off Richie, and how the whole night felt like a date, but he wasn't sure if he should ask, or maybe instigate something- and then suddenly the door was locking behind him, and Sam was pressing him back against the counter, shoving him down and trapping him in place with his hips, grinding against Eddie's pelvis, taking Eddie's chin in a painful grip and forcing his mouth on him, biting down on his lip before moving to his neck and sucking hard as Eddie pushed at his shoulders, turned his face away, but Sam just kept going-

"Eddie?"

The cafeteria comes rushing back, and it's like someone flipped the sound switch and he can hear everything around him again. He can hear himself breathing hard, can feel his chest growing tight and his stomach rolling as the memories of that night slam into the front of his mind. He turns and finds Richie staring at him, his hand on Eddie's arm while Bev, Stan and Mike look on worriedly.

"Eds," Richie says to him, cautious, scooting closer and touching the back of Eddie's hand. "Are you okay?"

Eddie doesn't answer- he can't. It feels like every eye in the cafeteria is watching him, even though he knows that's not true. God- what can't he just be normal? Why can't he still go see a movie without thinking about what Sam did to him? He doesn't wait to see what Richie, or any of the Losers have to say; Eddie gets up, grabbing his backpack and ignoring each of them as they call after him. They just- they don't need him around, messing up all their plans, taking up all their time and patience.

The bathroom near the band rooms is always empty, so Eddie goes there, squeezing into the last stall and leaning back against the cool plaster, covering his face with his palms as he takes deep breaths. He's been trying so damn hard not to think about it, not to let it ruin every single aspect of his life- yet here he is, succumbing to the pain, incapable of even thinking about going back to the theater without breaking down. If he can avoid that place for the rest of his life he wants to, as ridiculous as it sounds; there's just no way he can see himself enjoying any time there again. He just can't. As it is he can barely get through a day without his mind drifting away and replaying every time Sam has touched him, every word Sam has said to him, every time he smiled like he wasn't doing anything wrong.

A knock on the stall door makes him jump, but he relaxes when he recognizes Richie's voice.

"Eds, it's me. Can you... will you let me in?" Eddie should say no, but he slides the lock open, powerless in the face of Richie's genuine concern. Richie slips inside, locking it again once he's got the door closed, and he moves in toward Eddie, his warm hands cupping Eddie's face. "Hey."