About the boy who was in love with his bully, untill one flower changed everything
❗️Trigger warning: Cursing, bullying, self harm and (homophobic) slurs in this book❗️
My alarm clock rings. "Eyy man love you too." I hate that thing so much. I throw the blanket of my bed. "Hello boring room. Hello ugly mirror because i look in it. Hello non fitting clothes." I choose ripped black skinny jeans and a red and black tank top. ⬇️
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I make a fringe with my red hair and put on a black snap back. ⬆️ I pick my black bag up from the floor and notice i have a lot of black things and then realize it fits my mood perfectly. I slam my bedroom door causing my mom to wake up. "Michael, how many times have i said to not throw with your door?!" "Sorry mom. I love you!" I scream back. I'm going to bring her a sandwich in bed because i wake her up way to much and i have time anyways because I set my alarm clock one hour too early. For myself i'm pouring some milk in a bowl and put the cereal in after(a/nMICHAELIT'SFIRSTCEREALTHENMILK)i eat it and then run upstairs to give my mom her sandwich "thank you love" she says with a tired expression on her face. We love eachother no matter what, but i still didn't tell her i'm gay. I'm just so scared to come out of the closet even though i know she's going to accept me. I wanted to tell her now, but then i look at the clock and see that i don't have enough time to do so. Damnit. I run downstairs and take my longboard while almost forgetting my keys.
~time skip 20 minutes~
Once at school, i throw my longboard in my locker. I'm trying to stay low as much as possible. Literally, but they always find me. "HEY FAGGOT!" There we have it. I'm trying to run away, but Luke has way longer legs and more muscles. He catches up in no time. I'm being thrown to the ground as Luke sits on top of me, holding down my hands. He let a thick drop of saliva fall on my face and i exclaim in disgust. In my mind of course. If i would actually do that the bullying would only get worse. "Luke could you get of him, i want to have a word with the person i always love to see in the hallways." Calum had this creepy grin on his beautifull, perfect face. Fuck Michael, not now. He's going to beat the shit out of you and you are thinking about his face. While i was arguing with myself about my bully and crush, he picked me up by my shirt and pushed me up against the wall with my feet dangling a few centimeters above the ground. He's as tall as i am, but way stronger." How is my lovely gay doing? Wait, i don't care!" He said as he bursts out in laughter together with his 'friends'. Rosana, Calum's girlfriend, was laughing like a crow. It hurt my ears. How could he date this girl? Okay she has a beautifull face and body, but if her inner beauty was her outer beauty she would look worse than a zombie, and not the sexy and hot ones from animes and mangas. Calum is still holding me up against the wall. "Harry and Louis, you needed to practice high kicks for kickboxing, right?" They boys came up to me and started kicking me in the stomach. I didn't show any emotion because i got used to this by now. Then Rosana punched me in the nuts and i flinched a little. Calum then dropped me to the floor and kicked my thighs. I lie down and watch them walk away. Rosana and Calum sometimes look like siamese twins, because she is so clingy. I stand up with pain in my stomach and i casually walk to the bathroom. I lock myself up in a stall and start crying. After 5 minutes I heard the door and stopped immediately. With the tears streaming down my face i run out of my stall and open a tap. I splash water in my face to make it look like i'm not crying and i'm making my way to class.
~time skip school~
I walk into my house and i smell food. "Hi mom" i scream through the house. "Hi hun, how was school?" I didn't answer and act like i didn't hear her. "How was school?" she asked again as i walked into the kitchen. "School was school." i said as i faked a smile. That's my regular answer. "Why are you cooking already? It's 4pm?" "I'm heading out tonight and i want you to eat something else then pizza." Ughh, i hate it when she does this. I run up to my room without a word and again slam the door a bit too hard. I hear my mom screaming that i shouldn't slam the doors but i don't give it any attention. I replace the fake smile for a sad/depressed face. I turn on my speaker and shuffle my Bring Me The Horizon playlist. I walk to my closet and open the shoe box where i hide my shiny, metal, sharp and absolutely needed razors. I unbutton my jeans and pull them down to my knees. I take one out and cut the same spot on my upper leg for at least 15 minutes. The cut is very deep and hurts a lot. I softly whisper to myself: "this is the only thing i deserve" as i take some bandages and tape out of the box and start bandaging the cut. I pull up my jeans. I'm back to 0 days clean.
