Amy's Story (A Paramore Fanfiction)

Chapter 9: Déjà Vu

-February 8th, 2007. Thursday. 4:08 P.M. 1 Day Later-

"Thanks for riding the bus with me today!" Carol's chirpy voice causing me to jump, suddenly pulled from the thoughts swirling in my head. She doesn't seem to notice though, gathering her things, backpack on her shoulders with that Hello Kitty keychain.

If you thought me convincing Josh to let me take the bus was easy, think again. It took what felt like a million years and a promise to call the house in case there was trouble and try to not solve it with my fists.

With what phone? He let me take his for today, of course. Promising he would stay right next to the one at the house until I came home. His protectiveness is a bit annoying sure but a part of me does appreciate where it's coming from. Though I can't help but wonder if this is him trying desperately to avoid me coming home bruised.

After all, he said other Moms flight would be landing sometime later today and he'd leave to pick her up around four-thirty maybe five o'clock. What about staying near the phone, you ask? Well, he said he wouldn't leave until I called and said I was okay and almost home. "Amy, you've been quiet almost the whole bus ride and now the walk!" The girl on my right whines. Glancing at each other but still walking, my hands in my pockets and bangs just edging the top of my eyes.

I think about apologizing. I think about brushing her off. I think about anything that doesn't involve giving her a reason why. But all that I do is make brief eye contact then look away. Not saying anything at all.

"Sam warned me you'd been acting weird and to just not ask you about it but you're never this quiet. Well, you are but not like this. You're usually the cool kinda quiet and now you're a weird kind of nervous quiet, I don't get it and I think if you try talking to people about it then it'll help because, Amy you can't keep--"

"Carol, quit it." Stopping on the sidewalk to look her in the eye and try to get my point across without yelling at her. The girl will ramble on and on if you don't say something. It seems to work, stopping just ahead of me, turning around to meet my gaze with curiosity. "I'll talk about it when I talk about it." There. Hopefully that's the end of that. Slowly moving my feet forward again. "If I talk about it." Adding just as I pass her. To be fair, I don't know if Josh will ever let me.

She groans and tries to give me puppy eyes the whole walk to her house. Chewing my ear off about how awesome it was talking to Carly yesterday about their favorite band. Never have I been happier to see her Mom hurry out of her house and quickly guide Carol away from me. Still though I wave and smile my best polite smile and turn to walk back the way I came. Toward my house. Walking her home is a pain in the ass but she enjoys it and makes her feel safe. So... I don't know.

The sky is thick with overcast again but the air isn't as cold as it has been. It's supposed to snow this weekend though because I just love shoveling the porch and sidewalk while all my friends and and everyone I know is playing in the snow... To be fair, I'm surprised it hasn't snowed more this winter.

I try to get my head around the idea I'm going to be meeting my "birth mom" today. Wondering what she's like, if she's funny or has zero sense of humor. If she's strict or easy going. If she really cares about me as much as Dad says she does. What does she look like? There's so many possibilities apart of me is upset with myself that I decided to not want to ask anything about her or talk to her yesterday when Josh offered. Then again, maybe all these questions and thoughts are better than having some weird expectation of who she's supposed to be. In the end, I guess all that matters is if she likes music as much as I do. And aquariums.

Zoos are eh. Not really my thing. But seeing all the fish, sharks, jellyfish and sea animals are so much cooler. At least most of them don't smell or noticeably shit in front of you. Now if only I can see a real aquarium instead of the one in Mystic. I can only dream of going to Seaworld. But at least Mystic has the seaport. Not like I've ever been there though.