The Journal of a Connecticut Yankee

Jailhouse Blues

"Well... this is a revoltin' development," I said aloud to myself as I grabbed on to the bars of my jail cell. Had Winona, my horse and my nuclear bomb confiscated, aaaannnd now I'm singing the jailhouse blues. Plus the Ogre guard over yonder was eye raping me something serious. Remember lady, no means no- even when you think it means yes. Thanks Nivena, for that little insight on consent.

But hey things could be worse, right? I'm not exactly sure how things could be worse, but I'm pretty sure they could be worse. Maybe something with an Ushi Oni or... something...

My musings were interrupted by the sound of  someone muttering in the next cell. Looking over, I saw a guy on his knees facing the wall, praying feverishly to himself.  I was impressed, the Royal Maki was the biggest and baddest Demon Realm out there and pretty much any Human (except yours truly) that spent more than a few hours here gets turned into an Incubus. Billy Gram over there must be a pretty tough bastard.

"Yo, what are you in for?" I called to him. He paused in his praying and looked over to me. The guy looked to be in his mid 40s with streaks of grey in his jet black hair.  He had a fair amount of wrinkles around his eyes and mouth giving me the impression that he'd seen some shit.

"Heeding the true word of the Chief God and smiting the abominations that spit on her teachings." He said sternly to me.

"Ah... Groovy." 

Yep, he was an Inquisitior alright. I seem to be running into more of them than drunks at a bar. Wonder if it's the 'I've been banging a member of Mamono royalty' cologne that I've been putting on as of late.

"What of you, boy? Why haven't you been swallowed up by these demons?" He asked.

Heh, well guy, there was some swallowing involved...  

"Eh... I kinda fucked up. Called the Maou a grandma to her face, refused to give her the key to an ultimate weapon and I think I may have told her that the Feng Shui of her throne room was off." I said nonchalantly.

He stared at me for a moment, probably trying to figure out if I was A: Lying, B: Crazy or C: All the above. Finally he said,

"Get on your knees and pray for your soul, child. The Chief God will have mercy on you if you join me in prayer."

"Yeah, no. I'm good, thanks."  I said as I started to pace around in my cell while El Inquisitior snorted and went back to praying.

Looking around, all in all, the place wasn't exactly your run of the mill prison cell. For one it was clean with stone floors, in the corner was a cot made up with a pillow and blanket. Next to it was a small table with a vase and flowers. It was all kinda... nice? For a prison cell that is. Guess that's what happens when you have women make the jails.

My musings were interrupted when the Maou herself paid me a visit. She wasn't alone however, a slightly shorter, cloaked woman was in tow behind her. She had the hood pulled deeply up over her head obscuring her face.

Walking behind the woman, the Maou placed her hands on her shoulders and whispered something in her ear.

The woman nodded as she stared at me, then after a moment, said in a monotone voice,

"Deep scan completed, analysis will take 4 hours, 53 minutes."

"Good, now continue on with the rest of your tasks, Jenny."

She... Jenny wordlessly walked away as I gave a questioning look to the Maou and said,

"What the hell was that a-"

"MOTHER OF DEMONS! THE CHIEF GOD WILL SMITE YOU DOWN ONE DAY!" Yelled the Inquisitior next door. Turning to him I saw the look of pure unbridled rage as he all but foamed at the mouth. Spouting some shit off to the Maou, herself... Son of a bitch had balls, I'd give him that.