The Journal of a Connecticut Yankee

So This Guy Walks Into a Bar and...

December 20th...

I often wonder about my immunity to Mamono and their magics/ abilities. I had a bunch of theories up to and including that maybe my atoms vibrate at a different frequency or perhaps being a technical illegal alien (don't tell immigration), I have a natural immunity to their fundamental nature, or maybe I'm just that much of a bad ass...

Yeah, the last one is a solidly proven scientific fact, so let's roll with that.

Now hopefully dear reader you may wonder about the Mamono themselves. The stories of their heavenly beauty had spread far and wide despite The Order going all hard-core Spanish Inquisition on anyone getting a half chub for just thinking about them. That's just the thing though, it's kinda bullshit.

You have to remember this world is in its equivalent of our dark ages, so no hair salons, no Vietnamese nail stations, no Maybe it's Maybalee, no Forever 21- nothing. Most of the human women here look and dress pretty damn fugly save for a choice few that have about 20 guys following their every footsteps. Now take these conditions and throw in some monster girls that are a good, solid 8-9 on the hotness scale, easily Sports Illustrated models, and what do you have? Yeah that's right, those bullshit stories...

...Along with alotta rape.

Don't get me wrong, hot is hot, but I had about 10 of these chicks as human equivalents in my general ed. college classes. If you're serious about passing, you eventually learn to ignore the hoe show and keep your attention on the teacher and the homework. I believe it's why I'm honestly able to handle some of the crap that gets thrown my way from them. Sure, it's fun to get sexually harassed by hot girls, but at the end of the day- I got places to go, things to do, people to see, and a fucking train wreck of a world to get my ass off of.

Which is what brings me to here, the good town of Elador. Don't believe what the vacation flyers and the positive reviews on Yelp will tell you, this place is a shit hole; but it's a shit hole so far away that both the Order and the Maous major influences haven't truly taken hold. It was a generally well mixed town of Human and Mamono which was about as good as I was going to get around this area. I ended up here once before during a job I took to rescue a Unicorn. Yeah, they're real alright- cept this one ended up as a Bicorn doing things that would make a porn director blush.

Ah, good times, good times.

I stopped by the town hall to pay a visit to my old buddy, the town mayor... and his Bicorn wife... cough...yeah. He was really tickled pink about his town being the place where this historic event would take place, that or it was the Bicorn indiscreetly giving him a blow job under his desk. Yeah honey, that desk ain't hiding your giant horse ass sticking up. So with a letter of writ signed by him that gave me permission to do whatever I fucking wanted in his town, I made sure that preparations were made at the conference hall and rooms set aside for the delegation tomorrow.

As I rested in my rented room later that evening, I looked over to a little Charlie Brown Christmas tree that I set up in the corner. I was sure that I was the only one on this planet or dimension that celebrated Christmas, being as how no one ever heard of Christianity before, but I digress. No lights, some piss poor ornaments and a piece of red cloth for the tree skirt, I wondered briefly if this was how it was done back in the day. I thought of my parents, were they still looking for me, how were they doing? What was going on back home? A stabbing pain shot through my head as I heard the voices again...

"...octor.. heirheiwjdn. Will he sheinekdhwhdi"

I clutched my head gasping in pain for a good 15 minutes until I was able to stand up from the bed. Stumbling over to my canteen of boiled water, I took a long sip as I sighed. God, I hate it when that shit happens...