Havoc diaries

Part six

Dear diary

I know I write to you a lot, but you seem to bring me comfort. It was a long day, a hard day. I did really really bad in my one math test. I cried a lot about it, because it made me feel stupid and like I have no chance to get into a university. It may sound dumb but I really felt bad.

My dad fell asleep on the floor trying to help me tonight, even if he was lying flat on his back from back pain. I'm fortunate to atleast have such a loving father. He's pretty old by now. In his high 50's. I am only sixteen and a half. My younger brother is only 13. My parents loved children and wanted lots, unfortunately after the second child they struggled for nine years with many complications until I was born, and three years after me, my brother.

My mother passed away just before my 9th birthday. It was a great loss for all of us. I wish I had more time with her, and that I had cried more after. Seven years later it all started catching up fast. It buried me alive and after a year I had lost it and was forced to get help.

I hope tomorrow goes better than today. I'm not really glad to be back at school. I feel like I don't belong there.

Do I belong anywhere?

A guy told me I had "issues" today. Just because I'm different. Because I dress different, like "weird" things and I'm not racist like he is.

Sometimes I think I hate life. It's unfair that it gets to take away anything it wants. It already took so much, but it's never enough. Until one day it even takes your life.

Thanks for letting me rant.

Your faithful Havoc child