The Regret(Editing)

I Want Her To Still Love Me

Namjoon's past POV

I was upset with myself for lashing out at Y/N at the celebration dinner. I kept replaying it over and over again for the past month that it became a permanent memory. I wanted her to stand up and confront Alex because I really value and admire Y/N and Hobi's relationship. Their bond and their love is so strong for one another that I didn't want nothing bad to happen. I look up to Y/N not just a colleague but as a sister, a best friend, someone I always want to help. It hurt me to see her scared to approach Hoseok. I could tell Hoseok was fighting back whatever he was feeling by ignoring Y/N, causing her to leave. It was scaring me because his behavior was nothing I've seen before, and I knew there was something wrong.

But my mind is still preoccupied on Tae's behavior, especially at the dinner. The way he just sat there glaring at Hoseok like a lion waiting to attack it's prey. I didn't know if everyone else was seeing what I was seeing but I didn't want to cause a scene at the dinner and just kept quiet. I was worried about Y/N being home alone but I was glad to see Hoseok get to call her. But the moment he came running back, panicking like a maniac I knew he was genuinely scared and did not want anything to happen to her. 

I couldn't sleep at all that night because I was constantly worried about Y/N and where she was. I decided to check on Hoseok to see how he was holding up. I walk down the five flights of stairs and knock on his door. He yells for me to come in and I opened the door to see a red eyed Hoseok, holding a photo of him and Y/N on their wedding day. I sit at the edge of the bed and he looks up at me, with pain and fear on his face.

"I'm sure she's alright. You know she doesn't like staying out late at night so I know she's not far."

"I know she doesn't. But what hurts me is what I'm doing to her." He chokes

"Hoseok. I know you very well. But having us keeping this secret of yours from her is going to kill her inside. What you were doing to her all day was ignoring her. I saw what happened in the elevator the other day. But I really want to know.. what happened earlier today"

He signs a little "It's so hard to explain, Namjoon-ah"

"Just try and I'll do my best to understand hyung"

Hoseok lays his head back on the pillow "Seeing Y/N get jealous is something I never want to see from her. I want Y/N to confront to be about her feelings. I always want her to feel like she can talk to me about anything. I confronted Alex about her over the top affection towards me. The gifts and the praises she gives me is all very much appreciated and yes Alex is a nice woman and dances and raps really well, but it doesn't change the fact that I still have to work with her. Alex told me how much she looks up to Y/N and I told her I only want nothing but friendship from her. Just like how I told everyone else at Big Hit, I want Alex to keep this secret too. All I want is for Y/N to still love me regardless of the hurtful things I'm about to do or say to...regardless of what Alex does or says to me because in the end Alex will never have me"

"Hmm...I understand. But keep this in mind, Hoseok. That the more you act out you're aggression towards her, the more difficult the situation is going to be."

"I know hyung. I just hope that Y/N will understand in the end...Thanks hyung"

"Don't worry. I hope she will. I'm sure she is safe and will be coming home. Try to get some sleep. Good night." I say getting up from the bed and leave the room.

I close the door and go downstairs to get a bottled water before going back upstairs. I hear a voice coming from the living room so I slowly walk to the living room. I peek my head inside the room to see Tae, kneeling down in front of Y/N. My heart dropped the moment I saw Y/N sleeping on the coach. A big wave of relieve came over me but what made my heart stop was seeing Tae kissing Y/N on the forehead. I didn't know what to do at the moment. Tae stands himself up and starts walking my way and I quickly go to the kitchen and take the other set of stairs to get to my floor before he sees me.