I'll Wait (Camren)

After All These Years

I didn't know what else to do expect walk inside and hug Clara once she'd closed and locked the front door. "I'm sorry," I whispered into her neck as I tightened my embrace. "I'm so sorry."

We stayed that way for a few minutes. Clara held me back tightly and I could feel her holding back her tears. I didn't want to pull away but I came here to see Lauren.

"Is Lauren here?" I asked pulling back to connect our eyes.

"Yes," Clara said softly and I could see tears stinging in her eyes.

"Can I... see her?" I asked cautiously. I didn't know how much Clara knew about what happened 2 years ago but I assumed she knew enough when she lowered her glance to the floor and remained silent for several seconds before looking back at me with a sad expression on her face.

"I don't know if that's the best idea," Clara began. "She's asleep right now and I know you two aren't on the best terms. I just-"

"No, it's okay," I cut off Clara, not wanting her to feel bad about denying my request. "I knew it was a long shot anyway," I responded with a sad smile.

"You look exhausted," Clara said just now examining my appearance and realizing how late it was. "It's late and you shouldn't be driving now," I was about to speak but Clara shook her head preventing me from declining her offer. "Come. I'll make us some tea."

I reluctantly followed my former bandmate's mother into the kitchen. Clara gestured for me to sit as she got the tea ready. Soon enough she sat down beside me and handed me one of the mugs of tea. "Thank you," I accepted the drink and took a small sip before lifting my eyes to meet Clara's. "Ms. Morgado, I-"

"You know to call me Clara, Camila," Clara corrected me.

"Clara, I just came because I heard about... Mike," I didn't know how exactly to bring it up but I was curious what happened and how everyone was doing.

"I assumed that's why you came..." Clara trailed off looking at the wall behind me rather than meeting my gaze. "Mike an alcoholic and he was getting help, or at least I thought he was," she lowered her eyes to the floor before continuing. I was a little surprised how willingly she began talking about Mike. I wanted to stop her and tell her she didn't have to open up to me if she didn't feel comfortable but I was selfish and I wanted to know what happened so I let her finish the story. "It all started 3 years ago. I assume you know everything about the divorce..." Clara looked up at me and I nodded, confirming that I knew what had happened, then she averted her eyes from my gaze again. I was still close to Lauren when her parents decided to get divorced. "Well Mike... he tried to stay strong and act like he was okay with my decision. About a year after the divorce was finalized Mike came to my house drunk, banging on the doors and that's when I found out that we was an alcoholic. He had kept it from me all those years... I never even noticed it," Clara began to sob quietly. "It was my fault Camila," Clara looked up at me, tears streaming down her cheeks. "He told me he'd get help and I believed him. I let him drift away from me and this family," Clara was speaking slowly through her sobs now. "I didn't check up on him or keep him accountable... It is my fault he's dead," Clara's head fell and her hands covered her face as she openly sobbed.

I still didn't understand how Mike passed but I couldn't stop the tears falling from my eyes seeing Clara like this. "It's not your fault he was an alcoholic, Clara. You can't blame yourself for him not getting help," I tried to ease Clara's guilt.

"Maybe," Clara responded, her voice muffled by her hands. "But I was all he had and I let him down. I left him when he needed me and I failed him by keeping his struggles a secret from Lauren, Chris, and Taylor. I should have told them," Clara lifted her face from her hands. "I should have helped him realize that we were still his family, that we were there for him, that we loved him... Instead I made him feel ashamed by keeping it from our kids," Clara looked at my confused but worried expression and realized she hadn't finished her story.