I Want To Live

Chapter 11

   I sigh in exasperation at my face. It's ugly. I frown at my reflection. My sunken cheeks. My bags under my eyes. My pale face. My dried lips. My huge, long nose. My zit in the middle of my forehead.

   A soft knock brushes the bathroom door. I open it to reveal Sasha. She knows what I've been thinking about. She always knows. She opens her arms and I let her hug me.

   She's so much taller than me. Everyone is. I'm a measly 5'3". She rests her chin on the top off my head. I take a deep breath and break away. She sits me on the toilet seat.

   "I'll help you with makeup." She says. It's not a question, it's a command. I nod obediently. She pants concealer on my sunken cheeks, bags, and zit. Then she brushes blush on my pale face. She quickly puts on eyeliner and mascara (she knows I don't like eyeshadow.) Finally, she puts colored lip balm on my dry lips (colored lip balm brings the color of lipstick, but refreshes your lips like lip balm.)

   "Finished." She breathes. I shakily stand and make my way over to the mirror. I look at my reflection counterpart. Except it's not me. This person is beautiful. I'm ugly. Sasha claps her hands in excitement. "I'm a miracle worker, aren't I?" She says with a dramatic hair flip. I can only nod. That's me. I'm beautiful. But my depression voice has to speak up now and ruin my moment.

   It's all a mask. You can't fool people like this. They'll see right though you. Your still a depressed little girl with a mask on. You can't do this. Give up. That's it. " SHUT UP!" I yell. The voice fades. Sasha blinks surprised at my sudden outburst.

   "Are you okay?" She asks. That's a hard question. Usually. But not now. "Yeah, let's go." This time in not lying. I answer. She nods, understanding. She, Bryce, and I were planning to go to the zoo. They know I love the zoo. Bryce's pounding footsteps echoed in our small apartment. "Hey Sash, have you seen my-" He starts to ask, but stops when he sees me. "Wow Katie, you look good." Most people would see that as him hitting on me, but Bryce and I are like siblings. He was just giving me a complement. But I still hate it when he calls me Katie.

   I smile and Sasha squeezes my shoulder. "Let's go." I say confidently. I skip put the door. "What about my shoes?" Bryce asks frantically.

   "What about them?" I ask, turning around. "I can't find them!" He whines. Sasha point to a lace sticking out from under the couch. "Are those yours?" She asks. Bryce pulls them out.

   "Yup. Thanks Sash." He quickly pecked her on the lips and slipped his shoes on. I tap my foot impatiently. "NOW let's go." Bryce and Sasha chuckle and follow me out the door.

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   The drive was about twenty minutes, but it felt much longer. Sasha's playlist was playing. It mostly consists of Disney songs, the soundtracks of all her favorite Broadway musicals (Hamiliton, Waitressess, Wicked), and Imagine Dragons.

    We made Bryce sit in the back so he couldn't skip anything. He didn't mind. That means he could sing the Disney couple duets. At Last I See The Lights was playing and I dropped put so Sasha and Bryce could sing together. They didn't even notice when I took out my phone and started recording. I snickered when I noticed that their parts were switched. Bryce was singing Rapunzel's part and Sasha was singing Eugene's.

   Bryce can really hit those high notes. I thought to myself. When the song ended, A Whole New World started playing. Another duet. Now they were actually singing the right part. Without missing a beat, Sasha parked in front of an apartment complex.

    Olivia ran out of the door and clim-bed into the backseat, out of breath. She handed me a thermos. I opened it and a green juice sloshed inside.

   "What is it made of?" I asked, expecting her to name off leafy greens. "Cucumber, mint leaves, apple, and lime juice."  She listed off. Hmmmm. Interesting. I take a tentative sip. Elegant flavor burst on my taste buds. Wow. That's the good kush. Olivia smiles at my expression. "I take it that you like it?" I nod vigorously. I keep sipping it until we get to the zoo. Sasha drives around for a few minutes to find a parking spot.

   The spot we got was a ways away so we begin to walk towards the entrance. Bryce and Sasha are holding hands ahead. I sip the juice and lag behind with Olivia. Suddenly, Olivia shouts, "Zoo selfie!" She pulls me close and Bryce and Sasha peek over our heads. Olivia snapped the picture. "I'm sooooooo Instagramming this." She says. I chuckle. She can be such a stereotypical yogi sometimes. I peek over her shoulder. The caption says Friends at the zoo. Peace and love! 💕 My thoughts confirmed.

   We walk up to the entrance and judge which line is the shortest. We chose the second one to the left. I het in line with Olivia, Bryce, and Sasha behind me. A girl with poofy black hair and dark skin stands in front of me. She seems familiar. I rack my memory. I gasp.

    "Alisa?" I say, unsure. She won't answer if it's not her name. She turns around. "Kay?" She replies. I blush at my old nickname. We hug.

   She gestures to my friends, "Are any of these yours?" She asks. I shake my head. "My boyfriend is...somewhere." I say vaugely, "His name is Draco." Her eyebrows furrow. "Like Harry Potter?" She asks. I smile. Draco gets that a lot. "Yup, exactly like that." I answer. Alisa point to the girl.

   "This is my girlfriend, Trina." Trina turns and waves shyly to me. I wave back and smile at her. Alisa is a lesbian. Our different attractions to human beings really didn't get in the way of our relationship. Just like my relationship now, since Draco is straight.

   Alisa and I exchanged numbers (as friends) and we went our separate ways. "Where do we want to go first?" I ask.

   "LIONS!" yelled Sasha.

   "PENGUINS!" yelled Bryce.

   "ELEPHATS!" yelled Olivia.

   I checked the map. "The penguins are closest, then we can walk to the elephants and the lions aren't far from there." We all agreed and went on our way.

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   The drive back was equally as annoying/fun as the ride there. We dropped Olivia off first, then Bryce. When Sasha and I got back, she went to shower and I watch Starnger Things without her (she doesn't like the show.)

   When she came out, I went to shower. I walked into the bathroom and took one last look in the mirror before taking off my makeup. I showered and put on my pajamas. I walked out to see Sasha watching Voltron. I sat next to her and we ending up having a rom-com marathon, starting with The Kissing Booth. That's my all time favorite romantic comedy. I cry every time.

   Next we watched Ibiza and last we watched Set It Up. By then it was midnight, so we went to bed. Right before I went to sleep, one thought echoed in my mind.

   This was the best day I've had in a long time.

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Hi guys! I absolutely loved writing this chapter (even though I asked Gabbie about 5 billion questions. Sorry Gabbie.) All the links and jazz is in our profile. The picture above is Kate.

-Lainey