Hope in Our Hearts by Lydia Proffitt

Chapter Nineteen

CHAPTER NINETEEN

In this world you've just got to hope for the best and prepare for the worst and take whatever God sends.

- Lucy Maud Montgomery

The ride back to Kathleen's house from Dr. John's office was silent. The clouds were turning darker and the sun's rays were disappearing behind them. The forecast warned boisterous storms would roll through later in the day turning into a blizzard once the temperature dropped low enough. Lucy and Jason weren't worried about the weather because they were supposed to make it back to the house way before the rain made an appearance.

Lucy was leaning her head against the window of the passenger car door. She was staring at farmland as they passed by trying to get her mind on other things. It was already starting to sprinkle and the sky was gray. Lucy turned her attention to watching the raindrops race down the car window. Even though she thought it was extremely tedious.

Lucy felt the sky was mimicking her feelings––dark and despondency. Her heart ached with a pain that was familiar to her. A gaping feeling she hoped to never feel again—yet, here she was.

Why God? was all she could think.

Jason didn't speak a word once they left the office. Lucy felt it was strange to think last time they walked out the happiest people in the world, and this time––well, this time they were both leaving in shock and dismay. Both were afraid to speak because they felt they were walking on thin ice that could break with the slightest touch. One thing could crack the entire pond and they would both drown in their own heartbreak and depression.

Dr. John was informative telling them what steps they needed to take next. He didn't throw a bunch of medical terms and information at once. He simply stated the facts and told them they needed to go home and talk about it. They needed time to figure out their next steps. Lucy and Jason wanted to be anywhere other than the office, so they left as soon as they could without saying anything else or even asking questions.

Lucy wiped away the tears that were falling down her cheeks and then rested her hand on her bulging belly. Lucy had been crying quietly since they got in the car. She was trying not to break. She built a wall to hide her emotions, but she could feel it crumbling down. She felt like her heart was shattered into a million pieces and was trying to be held together with masking tape. Lucy had not felt that hopeless in a long time. The gaping feeling was something she thought was behind her. Pain was not something she thought she was use to, but every heartbreak was felt and brought along a new numbness. Pain made you feel every inch of it and made you feel like it would never fade. It was a recurring nightmare that felt like it was impossible to wake up from.

"Luce," Jason managed to choke out. "You have to do it."

Jason was holding back all the tears he could manage. He really couldn't believe this was happening. How did his dream turn into a nightmare so quickly? What did he do to deserve the feeling left in his gut?

"We can talk at your mother's," Lucy said, sternly.

"No. It's your only option. You have to do it."

"We can talk at your mother's," Lucy said again, trying to get him to quit talking. Lucy was refusing to talk about this right now. She just wanted to get back to Kathleen's and take a minute to just breath.

"Luce, you have to––"

"Jason," Lucy said cutting him off abruptly. "I'm not talking about this right now."

"Luce—"

"Jason, I am not killing our babies," she said, with mascara running and smearing on her cheeks. "So stop talking about it. I just want to get home."