Hope in Our Hearts by Lydia Proffitt

Chapter Twenty

       

CHAPTER TWENTY

If it were not for hopes, the heart would break.

- Thomas Fuller

    Jason woke up the next morning and for a brief moment, he forgot everything that occurred yesterday, but when it rushed back it hit him like a ton of bricks. He was careful not to wake Lucy, while he changed his position on the bed to where his feet touched the floor. The last thing he wanted to do was strike up the argument they didn't finish yesterday. Jason rubbed his hands through his hair trying to shake the stress away. He glanced at Lucy and remembered how she said they needed to have faith. Jason realized it had been a long time since he had a talk with the man upstairs. He wasn't sure if he even believed He was there anymore, but what did he have to loose.

    He moved to the floor and got on his knees by the bed. Jason had never felt so hopeless and faithless in all his life. He knew he was praying to a God he didn't believe was truly there for him anymore. He wasn't sure what words to string together to even make God hear his plea. His prayer was mostly him sobbing and begging God not to take Lucy from him. It was selfish, but Jason felt he had every right to be, especially in a prayer he believed no one was hearing.

Jason quit praying when he heard Lucy adjusting herself on the bed. He stood up and wiped the tears from his eyes. He figured he prayed for no reason, but he knew it couldn't hurt. He couldn't decide if it made him feel better or worse. Jason decided to check on the kids like he always did and just pretend their whole world wasn't completely destroyed. Jason peeked into the room where the boys were sleeping and saw they weren't there. He walked on down the stairs at the end of the hall and saw Kale was sitting in his fire truck pajamas on the living room sofa. Meg was also beside him, where Kale got her out of her bed in Lucy and Jason's room.

"I went to see if you guys were awake and only Meg was," Kale said, not taking his eyes off the television screen. "Dad, I am ready to go home. When will they be done with the house?"

"Not sure buddy. Hopefully in a month. The snow is keeping them behind, and they like to drive to the house when the roads aren't safe. We've been lucky this winter has been warmer than normal, so hopefully the snow is long gone."

"Dada," Meg said, lifting her arms up as Jason walked over to them.

Jason picked her up and made a face. "Did you change her diaper?"

Kale grinned a mischievous smile. "No. I left that for you. I did spray her butt with Febreze though."

Jason walked back upstairs to change Meg's diaper in the jack and jill bathroom that split his and Lexie's old room and ran into Caleb who was brushing his teeth. Caleb's hair was matted in places and had cowlicks pointed in every direction.

"Is mom and grandma still asleep?" Caleb asked as Jason started changing Meg's diaper.

"Mom is. I think I could smell grandma cooking in the kitchen, but I didn't go check."

"Is school canceled or is there just a delay?"

"Y'all got the day off, so we are letting mom rest for as long as she needs."

Caleb nodded his head and spit out his toothpaste. Jason finished changing Meg's diaper and they all walked together back to the living room.

"Dad––be honest with me, is mom okay?" Caleb asked, out of Kale's earshot.

"Yes," Jason said.

"Dad," Caleb said, grabbing his arm. "I saw you praying this morning. I know it's not fine. I want you to tell me the truth and quit lying to me. Please just tell me what's going on I can take it."