Cursed To Live

To Infinity

I don't think I'm meant to live
Not forever
Not even for today
I keep running into things meant to end me
And I am a sucker for reading in between the lines
And it says you have over stayed your welcome on earth

I look up at the night sky
And get lost in the stars
I would love to be a star
But lately I've felt like the moon
Alone and only rising in darkness
Its unfortunate I was forced to live and breathe as a human
I feel like I belong to the galaxy in all its vast beauty and darkness
Too busy huddling her planets and stars together
Unbothered by anything
But she doesn't know me
And my need to belong

Infinity and beyond
Forever and always
Are cruel promises to someone like me
Must be the reason I've never heard them uttered to me by anyone who mattered
They love me conditionally
On the condition that I give my all
I disregard my tears
My pain
To shield them from theirs.

And I do it
With a heart full of sadness
I'm available for you
And her and him too
I lay awake in my bed
Wondering who is available for me
No one ever is
I am pass the age of being coddled
Being comforted
Being loved unconditionally

So I know I wasn't meant to live
Not forever
Not even for today...