Cursed To Live

War

I think my weakness
may be my own mind
Being trapped in my own head
Blaming and punishing myself for everything
I take so much in
And let so little out
When my light is shining
Everyone stands by me
But when the darkness comes
I realized they were only shadows

I've been fighting wars
And claiming territory
Since before things could be remembered
But I remember the battles lost
And the tears unshed
Because being strong meant no weakness.
The older I get the more I learn
That being so strong for so long
Can weaken the emotion that God blessed you with and that is love.

My wounds are so deep
I wonder how I managed to put clothes on or even shower
I've been shot with tragedies
That would put these dramatically incorrect movies to shame

I laugh the loudest
Because my pain is silent
I smile the most
Because the sadness has
Ridden my face that night before

I'm suffocating myself with emotions I don't feel
Shoving happiness down my throat with anger filling my lungs
And pain running through my veins
But I wake up every morning and put on that damn suit that shows happiness and that mask that shows joy but I don't feel that!

Loneliness grabs me, drags me and beats me every night
And I can hear the whispers of giving up claw at me when the sun tries lighting me up.
I'm fighting a battle that I'm losing every time I go in alone
I know what I must do.

God is the only person who can get me through any of this
Trusting him is the key
Loving him is the way
Being his friend is my way out
But can I do it?
My weakness may be my own mind.

A/N: i wrote this in highschool so its not as good