Tongue-Tied

John

John: Wake up.

You wake up, groaning as you realize what today is. It's Monday. And today, you have school.

Obviously.

But today you will not be going to school. You will be putting your foot down. You are going to show your dad that nothing is making you go to school toda- OH FUCK HE'S COMING GOTTA GET DRESSED AND BRUSH TEETH!!!! You don't have time to brush your hair today. The teachers can deal with it.

John: Get out of the house and onto the school bus.

You don't know why you thought about getting onto the bus. You walk to school every day. You refuse to let your dad drive you.

John: walk to school, then.

You are walking to school.

John: Arrive at school.

You arrive at your school, a pathetic cesspool of imbeciles who think that they are some sort of coolkids. You know what a coolkid is, and it certainly isn't some guy who doesn't even have shades. Honestly. Every coolkid has shades.

John: walk slowly into cesspool, so as to not alert anyone to your presence.

Too late. A group of kids have walked over to you, grinning viciously. You ready yourself for strife, whipping out your Hmmerkind abstratus.

John: Strife!

These kids do not whip out their own abstratuses, possibly because they use verbal strife. You were never good at verbal strife.

John: Silently take abuse from peers.

MEAN KID 1: hey Beaver Boy. How's the dam building going?

MEAN KID 2: yeah, fag-

???????: fuck off, you imbeciles.

MEAN KID 1: wha-

??????: oh, wait... words too big, huh? I hate idiots. It's like a cheese grater rubbing against my brain. 

John: Identify mysterious stranger.

The mysterious stranger is unidentifiable. Because she's a stranger. But she is very pretty, with long blonde hair and glasses like yours. On her baseball shirt is a ghost.  You think that for now, you'll call her ghostGirl (GG).

GG: hey, john, you okay?

JOHN: i never told you my name!

MEAN KID 2: hey we're talking here!

GG: and as i said before, fuck off, before i am forced to mop your blood from every nearby surface. I don't like cleaning, and I'm sure you don't like bodily harm and recieving a sound drubbing from a girl half your size. I'm certain it would be extremely embarassing to puke your liver up in front of all of your friends and then have it stuffed right back down your throat by someone who looks as though she were as harmless as a fly, a fly that you anticipated would fall into your spiderweb of lies and mixed metaphors.

MEAN KID 1: what do you even-

ghostGirl slams her fist into his stomach.

JOHN: hey, you don't have to do that for me-

GG: they deserved it either way. Gotta go!~

The mysterious stranger leaves you, and you shrug and go inside. At least you don't have to watch those bullies climb their stupid echeladders.

For the rest of the day, your usual enemies don't say a word to you. They don't even try to strife. You guess that your day just got a little easier. That's cool. You're always up for something like that.