[im feeling shitty rn so i'm making a depressing chapter. it's not important to the story just know that alex is still in the place and no one has found him. if you do read some trigger warnings are self harm, anxiety, and basically some other stuff i deal with. so a rant
chapter ig]
it's colder than i expected. i assume that's what i get for running away in October. no one has come looking for me. maybe they don't care. i never really thought they did.
i mean no one cared when i showed up to school with cuts all over my wrists. i was wearing a jacket, but i was crying all day. no one cared to ask.
sometimes i would sit in class and be unable to breathe, just because i was sitting in front of people. i figured i looked fat and ugly as always. i thought i looked so broken.
i guess i wasn't broken enough. not even after i supposedly tried to commit suicide twice did people ask if i was okay. people are such assholes.
but what did they do to the suicidal kid with anxiety and a self harm addiction?
they made fun of me.
they made suicidal jokes at my expense.
they teased me about my anxiety.
they would rip the sleeves of my jeans and sweaters to show my cuts.
they would laugh at my tear-stricken fave.
i didn't think i would be able to deal with it anymore. even Zach doesn't like me,and he's the only friend i have.
i would tell the school that i was gay, but i feel like that would just make everything a lot worse.
i dyed my hair, because i had wanted to for so long. i expected people to either like it or not care, but they just made fun and laughed at me.
it feels like this will never end.
i'm so useless.
i'm so unwanted.
i'm so hated, by everyone.
including myself.
i keep trying to convince myself that i'm fine.
and that those suicide attempts were all for zach. however, i know that some part of me desperately wanted the attempt to work.
for all my pain to end.
-alex
[shitty writing from a shitty person]
