Chasing Stars

H o m e

"Mom! I'm home!" I yell to the creaking floorboards.

My mom thumped down the wooden stairs, trying to distangle a four year old girl from her waist.

"Hey Michelle! Come give me a hug you little brat!" I said affectionately.

Michelle looked at me with large brown eyes.

"I am not a brat!" she said defiantly.

"Of coarse you are!" I laughed, tackling the small girl in a hug.

She squirmed in my arms, struggling to get out of my hold.

"Mom! Tess is squishing me!" She whined, her voice muffled.

She struggled more, her long brown hair tickling my palms.

I laughed and let her go, ruffling her hair.

"How was school honey?" my mom asked, opening the fridge.

"It was okay" I said, falling onto the couch.

"Anything special?" my mom asked.

"Nope" I said, giving her my daily answer.

She looked at me, a question reflecting in her eyes.

I sighed. "No mom. I didn't make any new friends."

She visibly deflated, turning back to her apples.

   "Oh. Did you try and talk to anyone?" she asked hopefully.

  "Mom even if I wanted to talk to someone, the feeling wouldn't be mutual." I said.

"Why not Tessa?" she asked, confused.

"Uhmm.. because I don't like to talk about clothes and I don't spend most of my time putting on makeup." I said dryly.

" I just don't understand!" she said vigorously chopping the fruit.

"You're such a wonderful person! Anybody would be lucky to be friends with you!" she exclaimed.

I snorted. "Mom we talk about this every day. I'm just not the stereotype girl everyone wants" I said.

She stopped chopping and turned and looked at me.

"You don't have to be anyone. Just be yourself Tessa! You have to get out there talk to people! Don't keep hiding in your shell! I know your father walking out on us doesn't help but-"

"Mom. Stop." I said tersely.

"Not everyone is like him Tess" she whispered.

I looked up. My eyes were glassy.

"You don't know that for sure mom" I said softly.

I picked up my bag from the floor and rushed up the stairs, feeling my mother's eyes boring into my back.

I walked into my room and breathed a sigh of relief. I scrubbed my eyes, pushing away the tears that were threatning to spill. I looked in

the mirror silently cursing my father.

I still remembered the slamming doors, the loud sobbing and the final roar of the engine as he drove away.

I looked at my own green eyes, remembering the twinkle in his blue ones as he pushed me on the swing set. I remember his blonde hair that matched mine as we lied down on our backs in the grass, counting the stars.

I remember his words to me before he left.

"Tessy bear I'm so sorry. I love you so much. So much. I'll come back to you honey I promise. I promise."

And then he was gone.

I had run after him. Screaming and crying. An eleven year old girl trying to desperately catch up to a car. But it was hopeless. He was gone.

It had been five years since then, but I still felt the pain. I had lodged the hurt deep into my heart, and built a wall around it. And that was it. I had no father.

I rubbed my eyes one more time and sat down to my homework, welcoming any distraction from the sting of the day.

  After a few minutes of unsuccessful math, I leaned back into my chair, closing my eyes.

   I heard a short tap on my door and grunted, allowing entrance.

   The door swung open and Michelle walked in.

    Without a word she climbed onto my lap and put her small arms around me.

   "Why are you so sad Tess?" she asked quietly.

    I forced a smile onto my face. "I'm not sad Michelle." I said.

   She reached up and softly traced my face with her fingertips.

   "Yes you are. I asked mommy if I can play with you and she said no because you were sad." she said innocently.

  I swallowed, trying to push down the tears that were rising up again.

  "Mommy thought wrong Michelle. I'm not sad. What game do you want to play?" I asked her.

  She didn't buy it.

  "Are you sad because I didn't hug you? I'm sorry Tess." she said, her owl eyes widening.

     I laughed wetly.

  "I'm not sad. Don't worry. Do you want to play a game?" I asked again.

  Michelle shook her head soberly, her hair whipping around.

  "No. Mrs.Goldman said that if someone is sad then you should let them be alone" she said wisely. She reached up and planted a soft kiss on my cheek.

"I'll just go and play with teddy"

I watched as she climbed down and ran out of the room closing the door shut behind her.

  I smiled fondly and tried to go back to my homework, almost all the pain disappearing with the wind.