Blackthorns

02: after

Raeleigh

As I woke the next morning, I had no plans of getting out of bed. My limbs ached, and felt heavier than led every time I moved them. My eyes were red and puffy from crying myself to sleep, and my hair was a bird's nest. But in all honesty, I didn't care. I didn't care how I looked. I didn't care what others thought of me.

I didn't care, because... I knew Damien wouldn't. He always used to tell me I was beautiful. Every morning, the first thing he'd say to me was "morning, beautiful." with a sleepy smile.

But now I had to get used to silence. I had to get used to waking up to no one by my side. No one to say good morning before we'd gotten out of bed. No one to say I was beautiful when my hair looked like a bird's nest, when my eyes had bags, before I'd cleaned my teeth. Before anything.

Because he was gone. And he was never coming back. And I had to get used to it. However much it killed me.

I'd almost forgotten Uriah had slept on the sofa in the living room until he appeared in my doorway, still in his pyjamas, his dark brown hair a mess. I sat up slowly, staring at him. Rubbing his face with his hand while looking down, he sighed heavily. He then proceeded to move his blue eyes to meet mine, his head still facing the ground. It was as if he didn't know what he was supposed to say.

Which wasn't normal. Uriah was one of those people who always knew what to say. 

But this time, he didn't. He just stared at me with his blank eyes, his hand still on his chin.

Eventually, he came and sat down on the end of the bed by my feet, too scared to sit where Damien used to lay. He didn't ask if I was okay. He didn't ask, because... he already knew the answer. It was pointless asking a question with an obvious answer. He finally spoke, his voice quiet and raspy.

"Do you, um... do you want s-something to e-eat?" He asked me gently, stuttering as he talked.
"I-I'm not hungry." I responded.
"I'm not letting you starve yourself, Rae. I'm not breaking my promise." He said, his voice hoarse and his face distraught as he looked down. Sniffing, he looked back up at me, wiping his face.

He looked terrible. His face was red, his eyes bloodshot, bags under his eyelids. He was just as distraught as I was. He and Damien had become friends through me. But I couldn't tell if he was distraught for Damien, or for me.

Either way, I'd never seen him like this. And I'd seen him in some pretty bad times.

"I-I'll go get you some... some toast, okay? Coffee?" He asked, standing up.
"Yeah, please." I said as he headed towards the door.
"Okay. I'll be back in a minute." He said as he got to the doorway.

"Wait! Ri..." I began. He spun around, looking at me expectantly. "Thank you. For... for everything." I said quietly as I looked at my hands.
"It's- it's nothing. I'm always gonna be here." He said, smiling sadly. I didn't say anything, just smiled back at him.

I watched him as he left my bedroom, not picking up his feet properly, hunched over. He was worse than I expected him to be. To be honest, I don't know what I was expecting. For him to be all sunshine and rainbows? No. He was just... he didn't look good. I think he just... didn't know what to do with himself. With me. He promised to look after me, but... I wasn't sure if he could even look after himself.

He returned a few minutes later with toast and two cups of coffee, one of them half empty already. He resumed his spot on the end of my bed, handing me the plate and the full mug.

"Thanks, Ri. You look better than just now." I noticed. He gave a dry, humourless chuckle as he looked down at his mug.
"You're saying I looked bad before?" He asked, smirking.
"You looked like shit, Uri." I told him bluntly while wrinkling my nose and smiling.

"Thank you, Rae. I appreciate that." He joked.
"You asked. I look like shit too though, so it's all good." I said, smiling sadly as I turned my head to the photo of me and Damien on the chest of drawers.

"Good day?" Uriah asked, nodding towards the photo I was looking at.
"Yeah. One of... the best." I said, lost in thought. The picture was of me and Damien at the beach, him giving me a piggyback, laughing our heads off. "He proposed later that day." I said as a tear slid down my cheek. Uriah caught it with his thumb, wiping it off my face.

"Seven years, Ri. Seven years we were together. Now it's all just gone to waste." By this point I had tears running down my face, my head resting on Uriah's shoulder. Still staring at the picture.
"I know, Rae. I know. But it's not wasted. You've still got all those memories. You'll never forget them. I know it." He reassured, stroking my hair.

He was right. I knew he was. He... he always was. But it didn't change the fact that Damien was gone. I was never going to see him again. Never going to see those emerald green eyes sparkle with excitement, his dark hair blowing in the sea breeze, his smile glisten like pearls. And it killed me to no end. It killed me knowing I would never hear his voice again. It killed me knowing he was dead.

"I just want him back, Ri. I just- I just want him back." I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
"I know you do, Rae. But he's not completely gone." He began. "He's always going to be here. Here with you. Wherever you go... he'll be there." He said, closing his eyes as he pulled me closer.

"You just can't see him."

PLEASE TAP THE STAR AND VOTE! <3

hi :)