Blackthorns

06: aftermath

Uriah

I kept repeating the words Raeleigh just said over and over in my head.

I'm pregnant.

I'm pregnant.

My mind was racing with a million different thoughts as I just stared at Raeleigh, speechless. I wanted to reassure her, tell her that everything would be okay. But I couldn't for the life of me form a sentence. I just kept making weird croaking noises as Rae's face dropped, almost as if in slow motion. She looked like she was slowly losing hope as she waited for me to say something.

Eventually, after what seemed like hours, I did say something. The poor girl needed reassurance that I wasn't going to leave her alone in this. So that's what I gave her.

"I- you know I'll always be here for you, Rae. I'll help you however you need, how Damien would want me to." I croaked, rubbing her shoulders. And just like that, hope filled her eyes again. She looked up at me as she smiled for what seemed like the first time since Damien died. It was a small smile, at that, but still a smile.

"Thank you, Uri. That- that means a lot. I- I can't do this alone," She whispered, her smile fading, and I assumed she was thinking about Damien. "He's never going to meet... it." She mumbled, almost to herself.
"It?" I questioned, chuckling fondly. She just looked at me and rolled her eyes, smirking slightly. She didn't respond, only smiled softly and looked down as she fiddled with her fingers and the engagement ring that she hadn't taken off. I stared for a minute, but I didn't mention it.

"What do you want to do today?" I asked her, stroking her hair.
"I thought we were going to go see Nicola?" She questioned, making my heart drop. I'd completely forgotten.
"Fuck. Um, you sure you want to come? I don't- I don't wanna stress you out." I was starting to reconsider my decision. I knew I should leave it alone. But for some reason, I just couldn't.
"Yeah. Do you want to leave now?" She asked, putting her leggings back on.
"May as well." I almost whispered, turning around to put my shoes on.

The drive to Nicola's was silent. Raeleigh insisted she drove, much to my annoyance. But that's not why it was silent. Neither of us knew what to say, because of where we were headed. It wasn't an awkward silence, though. It never was.

About an hour later, we were parked outside her house. We'd just been sat in the car for the past ten minutes - mainly because of me. I was hesitating.

"Uri, we can- we can go..." Raeleigh suggested, trying to comfort me. But this was something I needed to do. Especially considering I fucked up so badly last time.
"No. No, I need to do this. Do you want to come in?" I asked her, facing away from her.
"Do you want me to?" She asked me back, almost whispering. I only nodded gently, unable to come up with a reply. With that, we both got out the car and walked up to the front door.

I was reluctant to knock, but Raeleigh took hold of my hand and looked at me to reassure me. I took my other hand, bringing it up to the big wooden door in front of me. I knocked slowly, closing my eyes as I squeezed Rae's hand. Not long after, the door swung open, and I was met face to face... with her.

"Uriah?! What the fuck are you-" She began, but paused when she saw Raeleigh. "Why the fuck are you both here?" She hissed, her eyes full of anger. I squeezed my eyes shut tight, bracing myself.
"I want answers. Let us in, or I go to the police." I said, making sure she didn't know I was nervous. If she knew that I was shitting myself inside then she'd just take the piss even more.
"The police? The fuck you gonna go to them for?" She spat, narrowing her eyes.

"For having knowledge of a situation and neglecting to do anything about it. For allowing abuse to happen to a minor and refusing to do anything about it. For pure damn neglect." Raeleigh fumed, much to my surprise. And much to Nicola's surprise too, by the looks of it.
"Just let us in." I demanded, stepping closer, now towering over her. She gulped, seeming to back down a little.
"Fine. But you better not be long." She grumbled, opening the door fully as Raeleigh and I reluctantly walked in.

As we walked in, I noticed that it looked the exact same as it did when I was a kid. It wasn't a good thing, though. Every memory, every single thing that happened came flooding back to me, causing a tear to roll my cheek. I quickly wiped it away, turning to face Nicola as she sat in her armchair.

"I just want to know why, Nicola." I said, forcing myself not to cry as Raeleigh stood silently in the corner, her arms folded as she looked at the ground.
"You can call me Mum, you know, Uriah." She hissed, rolling her eyes.
"You were hardly one." I scoffed, rolling my eyes back at her.
"Don't use that tone with me, young man." She retaliated, trying to stand up against me.

"Don't suddenly start acting like you care! Because news flash, love, I know you fucking don't! I came here for answers, and I'm not leaving here without them." I yelled, unable to hide the anger that I had bottled up for so many years. She looked taken aback, like she wasn't expecting me to say that.

"I-" She mumbled, trying to find an answer.
"Don't look so surprised, Nicola. I'm not that 'stupid, weak little boy' you once thought I was. Fucking traumatised? Yeah. I mean, who wouldn't be?" I couldn't hold back any longer.

I had spent so many years trying to suppress the anger I had built up from when I was a child. I couldn't let her scare me anymore.

"I- I can't hear a door slam without flinching. I can't hear someone raise their voice without fearing that they're going to hit me, even if they're not talking to me. I can't see someone with a beer in their hand without thinking they're going to get violent. I- I can't fucking sleep without a light on, Mum. And I'm twenty-four years old! What twenty-four year old sleeps with a FUCKING NIGHTLIGHT? That's- that's what you and that monster did to me. How- how do you live with that?" I finished, tears now streaming down my face as I pulled my hand through my hair.

I turned to look at Rae, who was also sobbing, her hand partly covering her mouth. I mean, she knew about the abuse, but she didn't know. I told her about it, but I didn't speak.

She was there... but she wasn't.

I knew I wasn't going to get any solid answers from Nicola. Not now. I grabbed Raeleigh's hand and started towards the door, and I was about to open the front door - until Nicola spoke.

"I don't- I don't have any explanation, Uriah. I can't tell you why I didn't stop him. Or why I said the things I did. All I can say is... I'm sorry. Really sorry." She admitted, sighing as she wiped her eyes, tears rolling down her cheeks. I could only muster up the courage to say one word.

"Yeah." I whispered, walking out of the house, holding Raeleigh's hand. We got to the car, but she stopped me before I got in. I was still crying, so she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tight. I squeezed her back, never wanting to let go.

"I'm sorry." I whispered through tears, my voice hoarse.

"Sshhh..." Raeleigh said, stroking my hair.

"We'll be okay, Uri," She began. "We always are."

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iM SORRY BYEFHJGFGH