Blackthorns

05: lost

Raeleigh

I gazed back in the long mirror, bracing myself. I stared at the bandages I was about to remove. I hated my scars. Even if I was the one who caused them.

You see, the thing about scars... they fade, but they'll never leave. Over time, they may fade so much so that you can't see them. But they will always be there. That's why they're scars. But for some... the scars aren't always on the outside. The scars on the inside are always the worst. Because no one can see them. They don't fade. They never will.

I stared into the mirror for God knows how long. I thought for a second that I saw Damien behind me, doing what he always used to do when I stared into the mirror. He'd come up behind me and snake his arms around my waist, nuzzling his head into my neck. He'd place little kisses on the nape of my neck, before spinning me around and kissing me like there was no tomorrow. And then there wasn't. The memory made tears escape my eyes, just as Uriah walked in. He rushed over, hugging me.

"Rae, what happened?" He asked gently, holding my shoulders.
"I was just thinking about Damien." I told him, avoiding eye contact.
"Raeleigh..." Uriah turned me around, making me face him.
"What?" I asked, making myself look him in the eyes.

And that's when I saw it. Nothing. His eyes... they were completely empty. There was nothing to them except the deep blue colour of them. But behind that... he was empty. Broken. No. Shattered. Beyond repair. I just stared at him. I wanted to help him. I needed to. But I couldn't. It wasn't possible, and he wasn't prepared to let me try. And it killed me.

"Uri... you cant go to Nicola's. You just- I can't have you like you were last time. I hate telling you what to do, but... I'm just trying to help. Let me." I said gently, stroking his cheek.
"Rae, I have to. I have to know why." He insisted, tears rolling down his cheeks.

"What makes you think she'll tell you this time? She basically spat in your face last time and told you to fuck off. She's not going to have changed." I knew it was useless, but I had to try.
"You don't understand, Rae! I have to do this. I have to." He wasn't going to back down,  and I knew it.
"Then I'm coming with you. End of." I said, turning back around. Uriah sighed and nodded, knowing that he couldn't say anything that would make me change my mind.
"Fine. We'll go tomorrow." His hands were still on my shoulders as he stood behind me.

A single tear rolled down my cheek as I stared once again at my reflection. My eyes travelled from my shoulder-length light brown hair, to my light brown eyes, to my nose, my cheeks, my neck... and eventually back down to my arms, and my bandages. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes.

"Can you take them off?" I asked Uriah without turning around. He knew what I was talking about, and mumbled a quiet "yeah" before telling me to sit on the bed. I did as he said, facing away as he knelt down and took my right arm in his hands. He looked up at me, moving my head with his hand to face him.

"Look at me, Rae," He said gently, gazing into my eyes. I slowly moved my eyes to meet his, tears silently falling down my cheeks. "It's okay. You're okay." Was all he said, but it was enough to reassure me. At least, for now.

He slowly and gently started unwrapping the bandages on my right arm, being careful not to hurt me. Eventually, he got to the last bit. I winced as he took the bandage off completely. Not from pain, though. I didn't want to look at the scars. I couldn't. I kept my head titled upwards, facing away from Uriah and my arms.  He took my left arm in his hands then, repeating the process. I winced again as he took the bandage off. I knew I couldn't face away forever. I knew I had to look at some point. But I couldn't. Not yet.

"Do you want me to take them off your legs, too?" He asked, holding my hand. I nodded slowly, taking my leggings off. I didn't resist, I just sat there as he took the bandages off my thighs. I winced again, this time at the pain too. But I pretended it didn't hurt. I couldn't have Uriah knowing it hurt.

"Did that hurt?" Uriah asked me, his voice soft and wary. I smiled sadly as I looked at him.
"No. No, it didn't," I started, staring at him. "You're amazing, Uri. You know that, right? I love you." I pulled him into a hug then, standing up. I nuzzled my head into his chest, holding him tight.
"I love you too, Rae." He said as he held onto me for dear life.

We hugged like it was the last time we'd ever touch. Like it was the last time he'd ever see me. We just stood there, holding onto each other. He rested his face on my head, stroking my hair. He placed a small kiss on the top of my head before pulling away.

"You're the amazing one, Rae. You're so strong. I hope you know that." He said as he tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear.

I just stood there, staring at him. Until I remembered. I suddenly looked to the ground, my heart beating far too fast in my chest. I turned around, facing away from Uriah.

"Rae, what's wrong?" He asked, his voice panicked. I didn't respond, and just stepped further away from him. He put his hand on my shoulder, making me face him.
"Tell me, Rae." He coaxed, staring at me.

I took a deep breath, facing the mirror. I closed my eyes, preparing myself for what I was about to tell him.

I slowly opened my eyes, taking another deep breath.

"I'm pregnant, Uri."

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