Blackthorns

03: pain

*AUTHOR'S NOTE: There will be themes of self-harm in this chapter. Read with caution.*

Uriah

A week.

It was one week since Damien Alexander Blackthorn died. I'd been with Raeleigh every day since. I couldn't always stay over, but I tried. It wasn't easy, though. It never was. It was never going to be easy. It might get easier... but it would never be easy.

I couldn't stay with Rae last night. I had to go visit my cousin. I apologised over and over, but she kept telling me she'd be fine. I knew she was lying, though. I always knew. It was morning now, though, and I'd just got off the phone with her. She told me not to come, but I did anyway. I could tell something was up. I made my way to her's as quickly as I could, shaking as I gripped the steering wheel as tightly as I could.

Please don't do something stupid, Rae. I thought to myself. In all honesty, I was panicking. I didn't want her to do something she'd regret. I couldn't let it happen again. Not like last time. I couldn't. For a minute, I forgot about speed limits. I didn't know how fast I was going, but I had to get to her house. I eventually slowed down, realising that being stopped by a police officer wouldn't get me there any faster.

I breathed a sigh of relief when Raeleigh's house came into sight. I parked my car outside, and ran as fast as I could into the house, not even stopping to shut the front door.

"Raeleigh? Rae!" I called as I ran into her bedroom, only to find she wasn't there. I ran upstairs, tripping over my own feet.

"Rae! Where are you?!" I yelled, frantically searching every room with no luck. Until I heard the faint sound of crying. I paused suddenly, going silent. I followed the sound, eventually ending up outside the bathroom door. Which was locked.

"Rae, open the door, please. It's only me." I said gently, leaning against the door.
"I-I can't, Uri." She replied, barely above a whisper.
"Rae, please unlock the door for me. Please?" I coaxed. I took a sharp breath in, preparing myself for the worst.
"You don't understand, Uri. I can't." She insisted.

I sighed, not knowing what to do. I couldn't get to her. I closed my eyes, trying to think. Until I saw a bobby pin slide under the door. I smiled sadly, picking it up. I managed to pick the lock on the bathroom, and ran through the door.

The sight that met my eyes horrified me. I practically dived onto the floor, scooping Raeleigh up in my arms.

"Rae, oh my god. Come here. Come here. Sshhh..." I whispered. Her eyes were bloodshot and tear-stained, and her arms and legs were bleeding. She was sat next to a pool of her own blood, and her face was like a ghost.

"Give it to me, please." I said gently. She slowly and weakly handed me the razor, which was still dripping with blood. I breathed in slowly, taking it off her.

"I'm going to keep this, okay?" I brought her face up to meet mine. "Is that okay?"
She only nodded, nuzzling her head back into my chest. I carried her to one of the spare bedrooms and put her down on the bed. She was weak. Physically, mentally and emotionally. But she was also the strongest person I'd ever met. I sighed, rubbing my eyes.

"I'm gonna go get some bandages, okay? You just lay there." I told her softly, bending down so my face met hers. I tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear as she silently nodded and smiled sadly.

I left the room, pausing before going back to the bathroom. I leaned against the wall outside the spare bedroom and sighed. I had to do something. I had to help her, somehow. I knew what she really needed was Damien, but not even the gods above could bring him back. And it killed me to no end. It killed me because I couldn't bring my best friend what she really wanted. What she really needed. It killed me knowing that I may never see her real smile ever again. It killed me knowing that I may never see her teeth glisten in the sunlight from smiling so much. It killed me knowing that I may never see her doubled over, clutching her stomach because it hurt from laughing too much. It killed me knowing that I may never see her truly happy again.

It killed me knowing that it killed her.

I sighed again, making my way back to the bathroom. I grabbed the first aid bag from the cupboard and went back to Raeleigh, who was half asleep. I tapped her gently, turning her over.

"Rae, give me your arms." I coaxed softly, taking her hand. She didn't resist, and instead just gave me a small smile. I took some tissues and cleaned her wounds before bandaging them. I couldn't look her in the eyes. I couldn't watch her wince in pain as I cleaned the wounds she created. I bandaged her legs and stood up, looking at her.

"Promise me you'll call me if you ever feel the urge to do this again?" I whispered softly. She turned over onto her side as she nodded, closing her eyes.
"I promise." She replied, barely a whisper. I stroked her hair one last time before covering her with a blanket and closing the door behind me as I left the room.

I sat on the top step, burying my face in my hands. I felt a tear slide down my cheek as I sniffed. I just wanted to help her. I needed to help her. But I didn't know how. And I always knew.

I didn't want to fail her. I didn't want to fail Damien. I promised I'd take care of her. But how do you take care of someone when you don't know how? How do you take care of someone when you can't get them what they really need?

How do you take care of someone when you can't even take care of yourself?

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*runs away*