Dear Onika,
I haven't been writing you as much as I used to this past month because I've been incredibly busy. I haven't forgot about you; I never will.
Venus and Viviana started kindergarten last week and... boy, was it rough! First time at 'big kid school' and my emotions were all over the place. You know Venus is the protector of the two, so her being her, she was ready to tackle the day and was even giving Viviana a mini pep talk as I drove them to school. Vivi is more like me, emotional and not afraid to show it. She cried as I was helping them out of the car, which in turn made me cry. But somehow, I managed to get her in the classroom, with the help of Venus of course.
They dressed exactly alike, even down to the socks. I let them dress themselves pretty often now because I want to see what they come up with. Viviana told me they discussed what they were going to wear as they brushed their teeth. They deemed a pair of black leggings, a rainbow-colored tie-dye t-shirt, a black leather jacket, pink socks, and their checkered slip-on vans worthy of their very first day of kindergarten. I did their hair in one big curly puff at the top of their heads and helped them put on their backpacks and we were out the door.
Now, I'm home. Alone. It's my day off and I don't know what to do with myself without the girls here! In preschool they were at school from 8 AM to 12 PM, but now that they're in 'big kid school', their day is from 8 AM to 3:05 PM. Which is an eternity! Especially today that I'm off work. I cleaned the house spotless yesterday since I was off as well so I don't have much to do. There isn't dust in not one corner of our house! The girls aren't messy at all and I've taught them to clean up after themselves so they're not a hassle in that department.
They asked about you the other day for the third time. I was stuck. It caught me off guard completely. The first two times it was pretty easy to not answer their question because they were smaller, but now they're 5 and super curious about everything. I mean, there's tons of pictures of you everywhere around the house, how would they not mention you? I just have to have your beauty displayed at all times. I can't get enough of you, even till this day. They love mentioning your beauty as well.
***
"Mommy's pretty!" Viviana says out of the blue as she walks into the bathroom with Venus right behind her.
Can't they see I'm on the toilet?
There's no such thing as privacy when you're a mother. They won't care what I'm doing, where I am, or who I'm with if they want to have a conversation with me or just be around me, they will do that.
"She was gorgeous, just like you guys!" I say and tap their little noses. They giggle which makes me smile.
"Can we see her?" Venus asks and I freeze, but quickly compose myself. I get up from the toilet and pull my shorts and panties up before flushing it.
I swallow the lump in my throat. "Follow me, girls. I have a little story to tell you." I tell them as I wash my hands.
First time telling them about Onika, and I'm scared of their reaction. This was bound to happen sooner or later, but I didn't think it would happen this soon.
We carefully walk up the staircase and into the bedroom before I grab the album of pictures from under the bed. It's full of pictures of Onika and I all throughout our relationship then our marriage and even pictures of Onika pregnant with the girls. The album even includes some individual baby pictures of us.
"Let's sit up here." I tap the spot beside me in bed and they climb in.
I hope I can make it through this without crying.
