Loving a Gallagher (A Shameless Lip Fanfiction)

I Need Closure....

Okay Fi out with it, I asked her as she shut the door behind her. Walking towards me with her hands in her pockets acting like she wanted to ask me something. "Out with what?" She said playing dumb with me grabbing another beer and sitting down on the couch next to me. "Come on, I know you want to talk to me now that everyone is gone. Its okay just come on out with it, you dont gotta dodge around the subject Fi just ask me". I said to her throwing my head back guzzling down the rest of my beer and grabbing another. "Okay then let's start with that phone call today heh?" She said raising an eyebrow, "I know it bothered you why just allow him to get to you like that? again and again." She said sounding not only worried about me but fed up. "You always let Frank get the best of you. I know it's been tough lately but come on Lip, hes in jail and I dont think hes getting out for awhile not this time"

I hesitated before speaking cause all of my feelings towards the whole situation with Frank had always been hard for me to talk about but even worse now considering the circumstances. I've always had so much resentment towards my father and the things he has done over the course of my life and my siblings or for the lack of saying "hasn't done". But now that i was a dad myself and i knew what it was like to love that child in a way that you can never even imagine was possible it made me hate him more. How could he just act like he was a father when it was convenient for him? How could he put his needs above ours? How could he choose drugs, alcohol and sex over the six children he helped create. The more and more I thought about it the angrier it made me... I guess I would just never understand and maybe for this time in my life it was better i didn't cause there is no telling how i would take it.
Times like these really made me grateful to have Fiona around. If it hadn't of been for her all of these years we would have been separated or even worse dead. I guess in a way we're lucky because we had one another it was the only good outcome of Frank and Monica's monumental mistake to breed so many. It taught us everything we did not want to be as parents and every possible way to try to avoid it the older we got.
I could never imagine myself doing the same to Brayden the thought of not being around to watch him grow up or to be there when he needs me made me sick to my stomach. If I could correct one thing about my future it will be that my son will know who I am and he will never have to worry about a damn thing as long as I'm around he will not suffer the same way my brothers and sisters did he will have a mother and a father and we will always put him first and always love and support him wherever his life takes him.

"I don't know Fi", I said to her while my mind continued to do backflips and race again. Why does Frank have this hold on my life? On all of our lives? What gives that sack of shit the right to have control over whether were happy or not in life? He was never a father to us much less even there so how dare he even get the right to make us second guess anything that makes us happy! I said starting to raise my voice before noticing it and dulling it down to a whisper. "I don't know why I care fi....", I said to her when she handed me a beer. "You want my honest opinion Lip?" She asked me with both eyebrows raised and her arms folded in front of her.
In a way I did want to hear what she had to say I mean she was my big sister or for better words the mother I never had, but at this point I just wanted to retreat back to my safe place and close myself off again but I knew I could not do that any longer I had to find a way to get past this forever milestone and be the man I know is best for Clarissa and Brayden. "I mean you're going to tell me whether I want to hear it or not so you might as well go ahead" I said with a scoff.

"Okay Lip, you want the honest to God truth? To why Frank won't stop bothering you whether he is around or sitting in some jail sleeping it off? I shrugged my shoulders and continued to smoke my cigarette. "Lip I'm being real with you here so stop with the arrogance and listen to me damnit!" She demanded getting closer to me looking me dead in the eyes without a single blink. "Little brother you're looking for closure that I'm sorry you're not going to get unless you let that sorry sick bastard completely go of ur life!! He is never going to change unless he knows we don't want him back in our lives. Until he knows for damn sure none of us are done with him for good he is just going to keep on coming back feeding off of our weaknesses and eating at us until we give in. So if u want a change fucking do it! Get the hell out of the Southside away from Frank and start a new life with Clarissa and Brayden and don't fucking look back." She said with tears in her eyes messing up my hair and kissing me on the top of my head. "I love you guys I want what's best for yall but you have to want what's best for yourself as well little brother..." she said before stealing the last couple of puffs from my cigarette and tossing it along with the empty beer bottles in her hand in the trash and headed up the stairs. "I love you goodnight" she said as she headed towards the top of the stairs and slammed her bedroom door behind her. She really gave me alot to think about and I really think I need to take it serious this time and get off of my ass and make something of myself. Or my life and my family will never be any better than it was when I was growing up and i dont want it to be that way.