Diary Of An Undercovered Bisexual - All The Boys I Secretly Fell In Love With

Entry #5

Nick looks like an idiot every time he plays his electric guitar. But I still manage to like him somehow.

Seriously, it's hurt to watch him dance, but, at the same time, I couldn't take my eyes off of him every time he did.

Before I say anything else, I gotta give a shout out to my social media stalking skills. I found him in a matter of minutes. I'm freaking great, FBI should give me a job.

Nick is taller than me, also older, I just don't know how much older. His black hair is cut short and he has kind of a baby face.

He's in the band and plays an electric guitar, and as I said earlier, he cannot dance to save his life.

I watched him the whole night long and I am certain that our eyes have met many times.

I started imagining.

I would walk out of the club to go home and, for one reason or another, he'd be standing on the other side of the road with his hands in his pockets, the moonlight giving his pale skin a silverish glimmer.

I'd wait there and he'd walk over to me slowly, standing in front of me.

And there our eyes meet again, but this time it's not the same. This time it's only the two of us, standing in the veil of midnight, mesmerized by each other.

"Hey", he says, and a soft smile appears on his face. "I was watching you", he goes on. I can hear a shiver of nervousness in his voice.

"Yeah, I noticed", I smile, "I was watching you too".

Back in reality, our eyes met again as he finishes another one of his short excuses for a dance.

"You were great", I say, "but you could use some dance lessons".

"Well thanks", he says. "Are you willing to give me those dance lessons?"

"Sure", I raise my eyebrows,"tell me when for your sake I hope it will be soon".

"How about right now", he says quietly, coming in closer.

I fight the urge to place my hands on his waistline cause there are people around. Drunk people who won't remember what they did tonight, let alone Nick and me, but still.

"Right now sounds good", I say looking down at my feet, "how about we go somewhere where we could be alone so we could start".

"I like how that sounds", he whispers.

In the club, he was dancing again.

We walk to the woods nearby, leave everyone else behind and the only thing that keeps up with us is the faded sound of music.

He leans on the tree and I finally get to put my hands on his waist.

"Lesson number one", I whisper, "you gotta stay focused".

"Focused on what", he asks and the smile spreads across his face.

"Focused on me", I lean in closer, "now follow my lead".

I let my hands slide under his t-shirt and he pulls me in even more. His hands find their way to my back and I can feel their warmth. I'm pressed tightly against him. Under my palms, I can feel the rhythm of his breaths, the way his chest go up and down with every little bit of air. His lips fly awfully close to my neck, not close enough to call it a kiss, but close enough that I can feel the warm air he exhales.

"Lesson number two", I say, carefully biting on his ear, "make them want more".

"I will", he whispers back to me and his lips find mine in the dark.

I kind of lose myself in the kiss.

Back in the club, I'm about to leave, but before I do I throw him a smile, and I am not sure if my mind is making this up or not but our eyes meet and he winks at me.

"Lesson number three", I can barely hear my own words over the beating of my heart, "give it all you've got".

And he does.

I walk out of the club but Nick's not on the other side of the road.

And I lay awake for hours thinking about him, imagining what could've happened if he was standing there. All he had to do was be there. But he didn't.