realism book

hi, im sad

i haven't been sad in MONTHS. but today i had the best day with someone who is so close to me & i had possibly the greatest day ever. but about half an hour ago i saw that my best friend started a livestream & i said to myself "i bet she's with so&so". i go on & she is. which this is the person that she's been ditching me to hang out with. & a month ago i found out that my best friend was distancing herself from me. it hurt so bad because she had always told me that she wasn't gonna be like all my ex best friends, but she is. and i knew it. but i'm just glad that i had one of my closest friends to be here for me and to just have fun with. shoutout to emily for being such a light soul and being my best friend for eternity. i love you so much you don't even know. you've actually stuck by me for 3 years, even though we were never actual best friends. you're my actual soulmate. i'm crying writing this.

but anyways, i just really can't believe that she would do this after she always said she wouldn't. like once i saw that on instagram, my heart kinda dropped & i felt this deep feeling in my stomach. i felt kinda nauseous but i ignored it because i've tried to be positive and not be sad over her leaving me pretty much. but i just can't help it. i just need this night to be sad and wallow in self pity because i feel like trash honestly.

ok, i'm gonna go drink coffee & watch old 5sos videos, sob for hours on end, then sleep it all away.