Homo In Denial (boyxboy)

Chapter 22

 Look at all the feels I give.

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Chapter 22 –

I woke up, a few minutes earlier then John.

But I still didn’t move out of bed. I kept him, I held him in my arms. John Neil, Neils shit. In my arms and I didn’t bother letting go. John’s eyelashes fluttered lightly as he was about to awake but didn’t.

So we’re in a relationship now. Okay, that’s a fucking new one for me. Is that a little weird? Yes. The only time I kept a relationship was in kindergarten. And it was with a guy. Yes, that was a heads up on my sexuality, not like I cared or anything, but the dude kept holding my hand and we sat together and ate together. So that was as close to a relationship as I could get and now, with John. I’m with JOHN FUCKING NEIL, Neils.  I’m in a relationship with him.

What do I do first?

Update my facebook from single to in a relationship? Or do I put it as ‘complicated’? Hurry up and make fucking dates with this guy? Do we talk about the future together? Do I have to like drive him to work? Kiss him goodbye? Make him breakfast? Fuck him every day?

*Not that I’m saying no to that last one.

Do I have to do everything?!? Maybe I was doing this shit wrong. Maybe I did wrong. Maybe I shouldn’t have said yes to John’s proposal. Maybe I should have said no to him. Maybe I should have suggested that whole friends with benefits again. Maybe I should wake him up and tell him to get out of the apartment. Break his heart to pieces. Tear him a new limb. Rip his heart out. Maybe I should-

John cuddled closer towards me and all the hesitation disappeared.

Damn this little fucker for making me feel this way about him… Well, I guess I could live around it. We could live like this. Then I don’t know fucking get married, adopt some damn babies, and grow old together. On rainy days get our crusty asses out of the fucking wheelchairs and walk around. Then on sunny days holler up our sons and daughters to get our wrinkly butt cheeks to a beach where we frolic in the damn water. And on a cloudy day we take a deep breath and say, “I’m tired.” And die in each other’s arms and be buried together-

John woke up and poked my cheek.

“Morning sunshine,” he giggled.

“Hey there,” I reply rubbing my eyes lightly. I move my arms from his waist to his neck and pull him in for a morning kiss. Our lips touch lightly, and lasted longer than I expected it would. His frail hands grab my elbows and makes sure I don’t pull away until he does. When we parts lips he looks up at me with them damn eyes of his. Damned eyes of his that just screamed love me.

His voice seems a little weak; he runs his tongue across those dry lips of his. He glances up every now and again, those gorgeous eyes of his almost near the brink of crying. I didn’t know why.

“So uh,” he starts, “did you mean what you meant yesterday?”

I watch as he squirms in my arms and give a small chuckle. “Nope,” I reply and his expression is drained completely. “I actually really did think the vomiting thing was super sexy. It was like I was meeting Paris Hilton.” He laughs it off and shoves me a little and waits me to really answer his question. “Yeah, dating, let’s do it,” I whisper kissing his forehead again.

“Oh I’m glad you said yes if you didn’t, well that would suck,” John coughed. For guy who used to say so many words, he didn’t say much. But one thing that didn’t change was that he still couldn’t say anything that mattered. Not that I hated it. Hearing his voice was heaven.