My Book Of Jokes

Worlds Funniest Ads

This was originally its own book but I thought I would put it with my other jokes.

Believe it or not, these ads actually found their way into newspapers all over the world:

~Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.~

~FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.~

~Help wanted, singer for rock band. Must be female or male.~

~For sale, Hope Chest, brand new, half off, long story.~

~Help wanted, adult or mature teenager to baby-sit. One dollar an hour.~

~Lost: small brown poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.~

~For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, potty chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.~

~Four-posted bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.~

~Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.~

~Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.~

~Christmas sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to- find person.~

~Wanted, man to take care of cows that does not smoke or drink.~

~Three-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.~

~Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.~

~Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 -- $9 per hour.~

~Our sofa seats the whole mob and it's made of 100% Italian leather.~

~Full sized mattress. 20 year warranty. Like New. Slight urine smell.~

~Nordic Track $300 hardly used, call Chubby.~

~Joining nudist colony! Must sell washer and dryer $300.~

~Open house body shapers toning salon free coffee and donuts~

~Found: dirty white dog. Looks like a rat... been out while. Better be reward.~

~Exercise equipment: Queen Size Mattress & Box Springs - $175.~

~ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER.~

~Free Yorkshire Terrier: 8 years old. Hateful little dog.~

~Free puppies: ½ cocker spaniel, ½ sneaky neighbor's dog.~

~Free puppies: part German Shepherd, part stupid dog.~

~German Shepherd, 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free.~

~Snow Blower for sale...only used on snowy days.~

~Bill's Septic Cleaning: "We Haul American-Made Products."~

~Cows, calves never bred...also 1 gay bull for sale.~

~Nice Parachute - Never opened. Used once.~

~Hummels - Largest selection ever. "If it's in stock, then we have it!"~

~1 man, 7 women hot tub. $850/offer.~

~Shakespeare's Pizza. Free chopsticks.~

~Harrisburg Postal Employee Gun Club.~

~Tickle-Me-Elmo, still in box, comes with its own 1988 Ford Mustang, 5L, Auto, Excellent condition $6800.~

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