My Book Of Jokes

Blonde Jokes

If I offend anyone with these jokes I'm sorry I didn't mean to I just thought they were funny.

~A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."~

~Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?"

Brunette: "I don't know."

Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!"~

~Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911?

A: She can't find the eleven.~

~There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.~

~Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."~

~A robber comes into the store & steals a TV. A blonde runs after him and says, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"~

~There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals." One of the guys, of course, said, "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?" "N," she answered.~

~A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the indicator worked. She stuck her head out and said, "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes..."~

~Why did the blonde put her iPad in a blender? Because she wanted to make apple juice.~

~A blonde, out of money, and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom. She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides, on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde." The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning, the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"~

~What do you call a blonde with a brain? A golden retriever.~

~A blonde walks into a shoe store and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the salesclerk. "Well, they feel a bit tight," replies the blonde. The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the blonde's feet. "Try pulling the tongue out," offers the clerk. "Nath, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth," the blonde replies.~

~This blonde calls me and says, "What's your phone number? I cant find it!"~