I slowly walk step by step to Liam's room. His door was wide open, which was a good thing. My hand was too shaky to turn the knob anyways. He was laying on his bed which was on the far right corner of his bedroom.
It was clean. But not to clean. It was clean enough to be impressive, but at the same time messy enough to be recognizable as a teenage boys room.
"Hey I was thinking that we should-" he interrupts his own self after he looks at me from his bed. "What's wrong?" He then asked sitting up.
"Nothing." I say shortly. I told a lie right after Mr. Finely told me not to lie. That didn't help me. My palms grew even more sweaty. And my heart. It was about to leap out of my chest and onto Liam's unmade bed.
"You're pale." He said softly. "What did he say to you?" His voice grew slightly darker.
"Nothing." I say once again. "It's fine...it's," I take a pause to catch my breath. "There might've been something in the ice cream." I force out. My head was now pounding and it felt as if I was falling. Falling into a never ending black hole.
"Here lay down," I heard Liam say faintly. I felt him get up from bed and I stay there as still as a statue. My breathing got heavier and it was as if I was falling faster, so fast that I was catching on fire. I was on fire.
There were small beads of sweat on my hairline I could feel them. It was because I was falling so fast in this hole that was so dark and so unknown. Yet there was a voice calling my name. I could hear it. But I couldn't acknowledge it.
The only thing that I heard was my own voice reciting what Mr. Finely had told me. It was loud. So loud that I almost didn't notice that bees were buzzing around me and that my heart had know moved to my ears.
Almost.
But I felt a warm hand on my leg and a face came into focus in the blur of the moment. I forced my eyes onto his. His blue eyes that were so warm and welcoming, much unlike what I was telling my own self.
"Andi, calm down." I heard him say softly. "It's ok. Just breath, ok," Liam's voice got louder as my voice in my head got smaller.
I close my eyes and bring my hands to my face and rub my eyes. I open them again and find that the world was clear. Things were no longer blurred, yet my mind was.
"I'm going to get you some water." He said softly as he stood up from his crouched position and left the room.
I swallow not realizing how dry my throat got. I stand up only to sit back down, due to my mind that was still spinning.
Why did Mr. Finely have this affect on me? Maybe it was just with everything going on like James being in the hospital, Dad dating, the police closing moms case, and Mr. Finely. He just topped it off. At least, that's what I tried to convince myself.
Liam walks in with a glass of water in his hand. "So you're weren't ok?" He says lightly as he hands me the water.
I take a sip of the cold water before saying,"I am. It's just everything's getting caught up to me. But I'm ok. I think I just need to go home."
Liam chuckles lightly. "You're not and I'm not going to let you go back to your house unless I know someone's home." He sits next to me on his bed and turns to face me. "Andi, you just had an anxiety attack. Do you have those often?" He asks hesitantly.
"No. I don't. But like I said," I pause once again to take in a deep breath. "Everything just piled on top of everything. But I can-"
"Why didn't you tell me?" He interrupts. "It obviously wasn't the ice cream."
"I didn't know what was happening myself." I stare simply. It was the truth and the fact that it was soothed me.
Liam doesn't say anything. But he didn't have to. His eyes told all. "I never want to see you like that again. I'll make sure of it." He then finally says.
"You won't have to." I breathe. It was a promise that I wasn't sure I could keep. If I were to spend more time with Liam, then that'd mean I'd see more of his dad. I don't know if I could do that mentally.
Liam moved closer to me and before I knew it, his soft lips were pressed up against mine. Things seem to always end up here.
But I didn't mind it. What I did mind was Mr. Finely. I couldn't be with someone if their father caused me so much anxiety that I couldn't function properly.
I pull away from Liam at the thought. I look down at my lap feeling his stare on me. I look back up at him and see the curiosity in his eyes. There was so much that he didn't know.
"I just want to go home." I tell him quietly. "I need to go home."
I saw sadness grow in his eyes based off the fact that he just kissed me and I just told him that I wanted to leave. It killed me, but I it was about what I needed, not what I wanted. Staying here just made me feel even more sick. And the fact that I was the reason behind Liam's sadness made it worse.
"Ok," He stayed quietly. We both stand up and start walking out of his room.
My head immediately started to spin, but I wasn't about to cause another scene. One was enough for me.
Mr. Finely was no longer in the kitchen and at that point I didn't care - I was leaving, so it didn't matter.
The ride home was silent and uncomfortable. Two things that were never present when I was with Liam. Yet I could tell we both felt it.
"Do you want me to stay with you for a little bit?" He then inquires in a soft, quiet voice as he puts the car in park in front of my house.
"I'll be ok. My dad says he's on his way." I unbuckle my seatbelt and open the car door. Before getting out of his car I turn to face him. "Thank you. For taking me out today."
"Anytime. We'll do it again sometime." He smiles a small smile. So small that it didn't reach his eyes. "Feel better." He then called as I get out of the car.
I respond with a weak smile in return and shut his door. I heard his car go by and walk to my front porch to unlock my door.
I laid on the couch, not wanting to be secluded in my room. Yet it was just me. And my thoughts of course. And the worry that will constantly be in the back of my mind.
My eyes grow blurry and soon, wet, hot, tears were streaming down the side of my face. There was nothing that really caused this. It was never like that. I never cried because of a specific event that took place in my life, with the exception of my mothers death.
However other than that, never. I was like a submarine descending into the deep abyss. All this pressure builds up, and it finally becomes strong enough to act.
That was what was happening now. There was so much pressure, maybe even too much, that I finally burst. And after I burst, I have to clean up the pieces and put them back together.
But let me tell you, the pieces have never been so small, and so hard to find.
