Adopted By Yoonmin

Accident

•TW•(possible self half)
Xavier's POV:
   I feel like things are slowly breaking as tour continues because I still keep gettin hate whether it's on social media or in real life but the others don't see it which sucks sometimes because I want them to notice my pain from all this hate. I know not everyone hates me for being adopted into Bangtan's lives nor to be dating Joon, I love all my supporters and try to ignore the hate but as each different location we go I feel as it gets worse.  

  I mean I'm happy with my new life I've got amazing parents and an amazing boyfriend but everything seems like it's going to fall apart any moment, I mean I already feel like I'm slipping back into my old habits which I don't want to happen but I feel like I'll slip because of all this hate going on. It will happen eventually because its very easy for me to slip into my old habits over small things because its very hurtful and I really don't want to put my problems on the guys because I would hate myself for having them to worry for me all the time because they have lives to live and they shouldn't have to worry about some small boy like me.  

  So later that night all the guys went out but I stayed on the bus because I didn't really wanna go out an party becasue I wasn't in the mood but I kept to myself so no one would have to worry about me. I mean it wasn't smart for me to be by myself but I wanted some space for a while. So I was sitting on the couch thinking to myself an my phone lights up and I pick it up looking at it regretting it as soon as it was in my hand, I threw my phone onto the floor and threw a few pillows around then I headed straight for the bathroom and locked it and looked at myself in the mirror and I hated what I saw and I don't know what the boys see in me. I mean I am full of problems yet they still picked me and Joon wanted to be something more which I love him dearly but I don't think I am good enough for him. I just think they would all be better without me around because I am not needed according to all this hate I get every single day ever since they brought me into their lives. 

~Trigger Warning-Self Harm-

 So I grabbed my small bag that I hid in the bathroom so none of the boys won't find it and I pulled out one of small blades that I haven't touched since I was still in the hell hole and set the box on the counter and sat on the floor leaning against the door thinking about everything that has happened lately. I rolled up my sleeves and let out a shaky sigh as tears were already falling down my face as I slowly drag the small blade over my skin watching the blood flow over very slightly, I couldn't but wince slightly because it did slightly hurt but I didn't care about my pain so I kept going and watched more of my blood come out and run down my arm. I left about 8 cuts on my left arm and moved to my arm and did the same amount and just looked at my arm knowing they could find out but I'll be careful about this, I stood up even though I was a bit dizzy I walked to the sink and started cleaning my wounds and wrapped my arms up then rolling my sleeves back down putting my blade back in the box and hiding it once again like it was never touched. I looked around making sure no blood was anywhere so they didn't ask me about it because I don't want them to know. 

 So I cleaned up everything in the bathroom and the living area then I grabbed my phone and walked to my bunk that I share with Joon, I just laid there staring at the wall not wanting to be on my phone at the moment. I soon hear the door open knowing its the boys so I then put my headphones in and close my eyes so I can try to fall asleep so I don't have to get up and do anything even though it was only midnight and I usually don't sleep till later like 3-4 in the morning but Joon doesn't know that. So I slowly doze off into a peaceful dream for a few before I feel someone shaking me and I roll over pulling out a headphone looking at Joon and notice hes climbing into the bunk and which makes me smile slightly knowing I have him by my side.