LIVING DEAD
Marina's POV
I've been on my knees in front of the toilet feeling like vommiting for about an hour now. I can't but for a moment I wish I could. I stand up and walk out of the bathroom to stare at my overly luxurious hotel room so that I can calm myself down. I need to close that window. It's getting rather cold and this city is damn noisy. But, at the same time, I caught myself enjoying the sound of all those lousy people passing by! New York...The City that never sleeps
It sort of suits me, since I have been awake for the last three days! My nerves have been on a seriously bad condition and I swear there is nothing else I can do about it. I tried pills, herbals, relaxing music and still nothing...My only remaining pleasure is drinking and smoking and I am not supposed to do this either, unless I want my voice harmed. I don't!
In fact, dealing with stress and anxiety has been a real pain in the ass for me lately. Tomorrow, I will be recording my first official demos for the songs 'Seventeen', 'Simplify', 'I Am Not A Robot' and I had to come to New York to meet my production team and get the work started somehow... From the time I left London to enter the plane, my heart has been dancing, running, jumping and doing all sorts of nasty stuff!
You see, it's my only chance! I don't lie to myself. I know the truth. For the industry, I'm already old. If I don't get this one right , then I should probably return to the UK and go on with my quiet, ordinary, average, boring, stupid life! Like my mother did back then...
I don't like comparing myself to my mom, nor my dad. I'm a totally different person and I will never be good enough to them, I guess. It's not that I don't like them....It's just...I need space...and New York City gives me enough of that! For now...
Back in England, my life kind of sucked! I mean it...Ever since the whole music thing got serious, I've been living like a monk! No friends, no love, no sex, just me and my songs.....oh and a bunch of cigarettes to deal with it somehow...I haven't always been like that, though! I used to have some good friends back in highschool. My parents did not like most of them. They're sort of conservative and I always hang out with the "punks"! Yet a man...God! It's been a while...To be honest, I've been the man in amost every one of my previous relationships. You see, I do think like a guy!
Right now, I need some sleep! This is impossible...So I move towards my keyboard and begin to play my songs. I feel tired and numb while pressing the keys. There is no emotion in it! All my tracks seem like they have lost their charm, their wit, their energy. This sucks...
You're vulnerable! You're vulnerable! You are not a robot!
In a quick moment, I get my decision! I need to get off! Try something new...Release myself from all this i-gotta-be-famous tension! This is fucking New York City raging outside my window and I'm stuck in this depressive hotel room getting sicker and sicker.
Tonight, I swear...I'll go out...meet someone....and just ride! I'll just ride!
YOU ARE READING
Waste (A Larina Fanfiction)
FanfictionMarina Diamandis is obsessed with being number one. Mysterious stranger Lana Del Rey will show her the way to get off and have some fun in the wild side! A serious bond is created between the two and when the fun gets too much, they should face the...
