Waste (A Larina Fanfiction)

Part 6: RADIO

RADIO

Lana's POV

All that was left from last night was memories. My memories. Marina's memories are probably swept away or blurred because of too much alcohol. I remember how crazy she went up on Mermaid Motel's roof, after consuming a large bottle of red wine all by herself. She was screaming like a child, dancing with me, getting undressed till she was wearing nothing but underwear. Sounds hillarious now but it was such a beautiful sight, observing her, watching as she was getting released by tension, fear and loathing. She was bright.

I was the one to carry her to the hotel room. She was wearing my t-shirt and I was wearing my leather jacket because her black dress got completely trashed up. By the time we arrived, the hotel's security guard was staring at us in absolute terror. Eventually, he led us to Marina's room and I carried her to bed. She was mumbling absurd stuff I could not understand, so I let her rest. She fell asleep almost immediately and for a minute or two, I stood on the doorway watching her while she was sleeping. She looked quiet and satisfied.

~

Those sweet memories are wandering in my head as I'm lying on the front seat in K's car. The summer wind pulls my hair back and the warm New York sun makes me feel hypnotised. I'm wearing a pair of hear-shaped sunglasses like Lolita's, drinking a diet Mountain Dew. I see the sky painted in baby blue colour and I can hear Iggy Pop's tape playing in the background. The palm trees next to the highway seem like they're trying to reach the sky.

"Iggy or Ziggy?" K asks me.

"Ziggy, I suppose."

"That's what I wanted to hear."

K removes Iggy Pop's tape and replaces it with one by David Bowie.

"Ground control to major Tom" I whisper.

"Your friend seemed to enjoy herself last night."

"Yeah. She did."

She was my friend now?

"Do you think she will make it? I mean...be a popular singer-songwriter?"

"I don't know why but I think she will. She looks determined."

Silence.

"C'mon Lana, don't fool yourself. There is a bunch of determined british chicks out there trying to be the next big thing. Remember the redhair girl from last night? Her name is Florence Welch  . She's also fronting this band that sounds very baroque. There's a bunch, Liz. What is it that makes them so special after all?"

I could sense it. Jealousy. K was a musicial too. His band was trying hard to release a record and nobody ever gave him a chance to do it. Marina and Florence were younger than him, prettier than him, more talented than him...Who wouldn't be jealous of then and their golden contracts?

"This isn't a competition, K. There's room for more than one, or two, or three." I plaused. Then asked.

"Do you think I will make it?"

He smiled and tried to find a way to express his thought.

"DN, you write your music for fun."

"No, I don't. There is my mind and soul inside those songs. Everybody says I'm talented. Everybody says I should try. Even, Marina said that."

"What does this bitch know of the music industry?"

I was angry.

"Don't call her that."

"She knows nothing at all, DN. Trust me. She will end up like every other indie musician. Unsuccessful, unhappy, mediocre. The only way she could make it is by fucking her way up to the top! Wake up, Lana! This is reality. Wanna end up like this too?"

He doesn't believe in me. He never did. He is simply trying to destroy my dreams.

"Just because you were not lucky enough doesn't mean we're all meant to fail."

He lost control. The car was unsteady. For the first time, I felt K was not protecting me. I felt I was in danger.

"Go ahead then. I'd love to see what you will say when you officially fuck up."

"Stop the car!"

He did. I opened the door and got out. K was over for me.

"No one can stop me! Not even you. I've been through shit in my life yet here I am. I've been raised from the dead! I said I'll do it and I will."

I shut the door and get ready to run. For a moment, I stare at K angrily through my heart-shaped sunglasses. A furious Lolita.

"All those songs I've written for you. You'll listen to them on the radio. I promise. Then you might love me again."

Those are my last words to him.

I see his car leaving me on the middle of the road. I don't give a fuck. Marina will meet me at midnight. I'm sure she will!

That's all I care about.