Waste (A Larina Fanfiction)

Part 4: DARK PARADISE

DARK PARADISE

Lana's POV

Are you going somewhere or just going?

I remember this line out of a Jack Kerouac novel. It always moves around my head and every day, I get to ask myself this question!

Am I going somewhere or just going?

I'm just going...

And that has always been pretty much fine with me. I enjoyed the ride! Yet, less than an hourago, I met this pretty, sassy, sharp-tongued girl andmade me wonder for the first time in my life. What if there really was a destination? How would it be? What if I had expectations, dreams, wishes for the future? Would I be happier then? Would there be a reason to wake up in the moring?

It's hard to admit it but her words left a mark inside me...They made me wonder, they made me change...Am I wasting myself? Are we all lost wanderers? I used to believe we are all born to die... Maybe I was wrong. Maybe there was something between birth and death I missed. 

~

For the time being, we're on Coney Island riding on Neptune Avenue heading towards a place called Mermaid Motel. I'm on Johnny's motorcycle and K is right next to us on his car with that new girl, Electra and a redheaded singer-songwriter from London, that looks like a teenage witch and definitely tagged along for the free weed.

Mermaid Motel is a leftover of what once was a motel. It's standing there on its own in the middle of the highway and I can only see just a couple of cars on its parking lot. The place belongs to a man named Sam Jones. Old man Sam and Johnny have been close friends and partners ever since I met them.

I see Sam's short figure standing in front of the Motel's entrance. The reason we came here is pretty obvious to everyone except, perhaps, the new girl. Sam is one of the most popular drug dealers in New York City. In about an hour, we'll be higher than God!

We park the motorcycles near the entrance and I see Sam coming to us. I look at Electra and she looks terrified. Of course, she is! She hardly knows us and there she is... Outside an empty notorious motel in Coney Island!

'Welcome welcome!' Sam talks the way he sings.

'There is no one renting a room at the moment so the whole place is ours!'

I look at Electra. She's so different! Gorgeous! Black hair, black dress, black beauty...She's sassy, funny and full of energy. Everytging I'm not! What is she doing with us? I was so drunk before and I didn't even ask her why is she in New York. I didn't even thank her for her kind words. I didn't notice how special she is...

Next to Johnny, stands a pretty 17 year old girl with green eyes in the color of mint. I know who she is. Sam's girlfriend... She left home when she was 14 and ever since she lives pretty much like a gypsy girl. That's why we all call her Carmen, the gypsy girl. An allusion to the opera by Georges Bizet. Carmen is constantly stoned, drunk and fucked up! I don't think I've ever seen her sober to be honest! I mean...she's Sam's girlfriend. How could she possibly be sober?

Afterwards, things happpen quickly. We all hide in the back of the parking lot, behind Sam's old car. Carmen take a good amount of pot out of her bra. She always hides pot in her bra. Johnny rolls. We smoke...

'The finest quality.' Sam whispers.

We start moving the joint around and I can see each one's brain getting fucked up! K, Johnny, Carmen, Sam, myself and of course the new girls! Red eyes, dry mouth. I can't really control myself!

Out of nowhere, I grab Electra's hand and start walking away...

'DN, where are you going?' K shouts.

'We won't be late.' I reply.

'Are we going somewhere or just going?' Electra's voice is sonically godly.

Wait...Did she just quote Kerouac?

'We're going to the motel's roof! The view up there is wonderful.

I don't know why we left. We just did.

The view from that roof is stunning indeed. A million little stars and there would be a lot more if there weren't those big New York lights. We sit at the edge of the roof and our legs cross the air... We are several metres above the ground yet it's not scary, it's liberating!

Electra puts an end to the silence.

'Let's be honest to each other. We will probably never meet again. No reason to lie. I'm not Electra Heart. I wish I was. But, unfortunately, my name is Marina.'

'And I'm not Lana Del Rey. Nor DN. I'm Lizzy.'

Feels strange. We're nude. Losing our Hollywood charm!

I see Carmen running, dancing and laughing in the middle of the highway with the redhead girl like drunk kids.

"Run fast for your mother and fast for your father!" The redhead sings.

'Who's Queen of Coney Island. Right...I'm Queen of Coney Island.' Carmen yells.

Sam calls her Queen of Coney Island. And he salutes me Miss America. All those nicknames...It's tiring!

'I wish I was like her back in my teenage years.' Marina speaks out.

'Drunk?'

'Yes. But not just that. Idle. An idle teen.'

'I used to be a teen like that.'

'And how was it?'

'Scary. When I was fourteen, my and my best friends used to wear our finest clothes and we went out. We looked like teenage whores, entering Lonely Hearts Club like we owned that place. A bunch of virgin girls trying to put on a show. Trying to get low. Have fun. Too much fun.'

Her eyes were focused on me.

'Then things got serious. I met Johnny and Sam, I started drinking too much. My rich father sent me away...Del Rey Rehab Center. I waved goodby to my friends, my family, my life, New York...The only thing left was my guitar. I wrote half of my songs there. And the other half, thinking about those days. I ran away when I was 17 and here I am now. Sometimed, I feel sorry for Carmen. She reminds me of myself! I didn't want to waste everything. Life is a strange, cruel bitch. It happened.'

Silence.

'It's all like a movie. Though, I believe you. I have no other option. We said no lies... Well, I grew up with my family. A conservative, middle-class couple trying too hard to live the easy Suburban life. And they were pretty successful at it! I wasn't. When I was16 years old girl, I got lonely, suicidal, depressed. Their dreams were dreams that money could buy. Mine were pure, innocent, harmless. Music was my way of overcoming this situation. In my songs, I could be myself. I dreamt of having a huge fanbase of people that love me. I felt secure. I skipped classes to join auditions, I was dressed up in drag to audition for a male part, I was determined. Yet, unsucessful. My parents never believed in me. I have to prove them wrong. I have to make it!'

Her life seemed like one of those motivating stories. Except, there was no happy ending. At least so far.

We laid back next to each other and stared at the sky...

'Look at the city. Look at the sky.' I said. 'This is paradise!'

'I never thought paradise would be such a dark place...'

We closed our eyes.