When I need to vent

7-28-18

Aight. Imma start this off short.

I'm back from my vacation, by the way. It s u c k e d. 

Like, really sucked.

My aunt forced me to wear my hair down, despite being OUTSIDE. IN GEORGIA. 

She did it multiple times and it makes me wanna die more than usual. :')

And Georgia is three hours ahead from where I live, which makes the sleep schedule s h i t t y.

So I always got called lazy for sleeping in until 10-11 am. But that's only 7-8 am where I am, which is the usual time I get up. 

And I couldn't fall asleep before three in the morning, so it just made it worse, having to get up earlier.

After I went to Arizona, shit hit the fan.

Big time.

So I wasn't able to be on my electronics so some of my friends though I was mad at them. My other aunt also woke us up by SCREAMING at us. Y'all don't know how fucking annoying it is!

Unless you do... then, uh.. my apologies.

And she's super violent. She'll literally throw stuff at you and scream and stuff like that. I feel bad for my cousins because they live with her.

They live with her because her mom does drugs and can't have them.

And when their mom comes to visit, she doesn't even ASK to see her older two children. It's all about the youngest one. 

It's bullshit.

My aunt also makes me feel like an idiot and bashes my confidence a lot. She's driven me the closest to suicide I've ever been.  I mean EVER. I was eyeing the pills on the counter when I was home alone. 

I wasn't brave enough to do it.

But I did cut my knees in the shower, just not much because I didn't want anyone to see. They're healed now so it's fine.

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Also, my mom ad dad, through my whole trip, texted me, "I miss you, I love you." and generally bs like that.

When I got home, I told my dad about my trip but he seemed bored so I just shut up. 

Then he just let me go to my mom's house, like 30 minutes after I got off the plane. 

I thought she'd be happy to see me and even ask about my trip.

Boy, was I wrong.

As soon as I got there, we went swimming. I tried talking to my mom but she didn't really respond. Just like before I left, so I wasn't surprised.

When we were in the pool, she didn't even look at me. I just got out and lied on my towel. No one cared, everything was about my brother.

But I couldn't help thinking..

would everyone be better off without me?