Absolution and Fragility

IX

An outcast. She's always been an outcast.

                  

Calvin was there. The stillness of his being gave her the feeling of quiet and calm, but she couldn't hear what he was saying. All she could do was give him a half-assed smile in hopes that it meant more to him than it looked like it did. He stayed there, beside her. Maybe because she was on the porch outside of the house and he had to.

Whatever his reasoning, she was thankful. Lexi was bent over with her elbows on her knees and pulling in huge huffs of air and praying this will pass, but it wasn't passing and it only seemed to be getting worse. She needed something more than the cool air from the sequoias. It had been a long time since she had felt this way. An overwhelming sensation that targeted her spine and made her heave air until she could collapse from the lack of it. Her head pounding with the severity of it all. Her limbs weak and numbing.

But regret? No.

The only thing she regretted was asking Diane to throw that silly little party for her. She would regret drinking as much as she did. She would regret not leaving the instant she knew she should have. She would regret running in the way most predictable. Those were the moments she would regret, but now, she would have to persevere. After she was away from Theodore King and his Kingsman, she would run as far and regret as much as she could.

"...the trees are dancing." Soft. Caring.

Lexi looked up from her feet on the concrete porch to the way the high limbs swayed in the soft breeze. The soft brushing of leaves against each other sounded so much like the soothing ocean in low tide early in the morning, but only certain mornings, when she woke. Green against browning red filled her vision and centered her as she craned her neck. If only she were looking out at the horizon to see blues meeting.

"I don't imagine there are trees like these in Greece," he stated.

Lexi didn't feel the need to answer. She was so enamored with the blue skies and the small puffs of clouds. The sun was shining through the leaves where it could and touched her skin. It warmed her in ways blankets couldn't. The sounds of people and birds about her caused her heart to warm and stop its incessant aching. She didn't realize how much she had missed being outside.

But, she knew how much she missed the beach outside of her personal home. The hot sands between her toes, the warm water gliding around her when she swam, and the sun loving her skin as much as she loved it. Those moments were never taken for granted, and now she missed them so dearly.

"I'm sorry we don't allow you outside much," Calvin mumbled. "You probably shouldn't be outside now..."

Lexi was silent a moment. Thoughtful. She took a second to remind herself this was not a man who had ever wished her any harm. He was the one to remove the blindfold. He had fading bruises because of her. He had danced with her. Calvin was trying to keep her as normal as possible while she was experiencing a hell so outrageous she isn't sure she'll survive.

"I imagine this is what death is like," she whispered. "Or even, accepting death as if you're facing capital punishment."

The only thing quiet was the two of them. The birds kept chirping and the people on guard kept talking. The breeze pulled her loose hairs in front of her face as she took the time to look over at him. His big blues were trained on her. The fabric of his loose white tee shifted in the breeze to allude to a body not as slender as she had originally thought.

"Peace and something like a memory," she elaborated.

Lexi watched him subtly nod. He walked off the porch and offered her a hand, palm up. His golden hair was shining in the light of the sun as if he were an angel with his sweet smile. She couldn't bring herself to grab his hand, so she stood under the slat wood of the porch which did nothing to keep her from the sunlight. It wasn't until after her eyes met his again that he dropped his hand and moved back to her. He was at her height now that he was off the porch. She could see clearly now that his eyes had flecks of green hidden in the depths of blue. An odd sort of hazel that was quite common if she thought about it.