There's a Thin Line Between Love and Hate: Now With Zombies

There's a Thin Line Between Love and Hate: Now With Zombies (3)

Now it might have been expected that putting Jesse and I in the same airplane, crowded with equally juvenile delinquent refugees going to the same resistance camp, might have resulted in a bit of a disaster. Unfortunately, that couldn't be farther from the truth. Jesse opted to stay in the cargo hold for reasons unknown, and because my arch-nemesis wasn't with me to bother the living daylights out of me, I was able to listen to my music player before the battery died out forever, which wouldn't have happened if I had been arguing with Jesse this entire time. I watched a reenactment of the movie Flightplan, which might have been an ill-conceived idea since it required us to make an emergency touchdown, and blow up the plane with one of our bodyguards on board. Oh well, do you really expect flight companies to think these things through when we're in the middle of an apocalypse? And no, Jesse wasn't on board; he made it out along with the rest of the luggage for some inexplicable reason. I'd actually love to see him go up in a ball of flames.

But perhaps the worst part about the flight was having to sit next to Highly Unimportant, Extremely Disposable Best Friend #4, and hear her jabber on and on about how she knew that Slightly Creepy, Yet Totally Hot Best Friend #2 was the one for her, how they had planned on running away from the resistance camp to build a cabin in the woods and trade zombie skin hides for a living, just like the old pioneers of the west, and every once in a while they were going to lay under the stars and drink homemade beer, their bodies covered only by the remains of six month chocolate bar wrappers.

Why was she delving into these absurdest fantasies with me and not the person she had all of a sudden declared to be the love of her life? Well, that was an interesting story, much more interesting than anything I have to say about what happened on the plane. Come to think of it, why am I rambling on about meaningless side adventures that happened in a rather bland fashion when I could be talking about more interesting, action filled moments like what happened before we got onto the plane?

After the helicopter dropped us off at the entrance to the airport, because apparently landing on the runway right next to the airplane was too dangerous, we went inside and were moving along the terminal at lightning pace, stopping only to duck for cover as the guards who were escorting us picked off the undead roaming through the building. There were two kinds of zombies that we encountered: The ones who had already been bitten, such as the tourists who now possessed such a low-level IQ that their natural instinct to step on moving escalators overrode their common sense to ride the ones actually going up, which in turn would prevent them from continually breaking their neck, and then there were those who had risen from the dead, such as the former veterans of the American Revolution who somehow believed their supernatural awakening gave them the ability to fine-tune their shooting skills. Of course, it did nothing for them, and those who cried out:

"Guhhhhhhh!!" (Make sure to give us Americans our basic rights and freedoms!)

...Were immediately shot on the spot, as that was what the guards were ordered to do. I think this went a little too far as we passed a tourist shop that sold blatant American Propaganda Merchandise in order to attract those who would want to appear more cultured on American soil, which no one was idiotic enough to be roped into as no one was in the shop, and the only signs that showed someone had been in there was a broken window, a conspicuously missing 72 inch flatscreen television, and a rather noisy burglar alarm which was so irritating, it was probably the reason why no zombies were coming within a 200 foot radius of that shop. (And you might be wondering that because of my plausible over-analysis, I might actually be the intelligent girl that I claim to be. But don't worry, my sporadic musings have actually displaced focus away from me, that turd Jesse, and my two nameless, otherwise unimportant best friends, so you can go back to your pointless fantasies about me getting some character development by Chapter Ten.)