Greatest Desire

Chapter 16 The Mourning

It's been 2 months and it has been hard to come to terms with not being pregnant anymore.  I knew I would have to communicate with people and go back to work eventually but I am just not ready. Chad has been such a big help but part of me feels like he's scared of me. We don't cuddle as much and we hardly speak but it's because I pulled away as well. Sex has been off the table and he's the only one I've been talking to. Maybe I should have a girls night out cherry and Julie is in town for the week so it's perfect. "Chad"?. I'm going to go out Tomorrow night with the girls I need some female interaction. He walked up to me and just give me the tightest hug ever. " have fun baby , I love you". I gave him a kiss and just went to the bedroom to call the girls and tell them we are going out tomorrow night. As the next day came I was happy for once but part of felt guilty for even smiling. DING DONG!  There's my girls. We gave each other a hug and I said I would meet them in the car. " Chad I'm leaving now, I love you and I will try to have fun". "Have fun baby and be happy". As I was closing the door I saw his smile turn into a frown I know that he also need time in the house without me so tonight we get to have space from each other.

Being at the bar felt a little off  because everyone was happy and I didn't even know what to feel. So I did the best thing I could.  SHOTS! SHOTS!  SHOTS! I had about maybe 10 shots and never wanted the night to end. I danced I laughed I had a good time."I'll be right back". As I stammer pass my girls to go to the washroom I felt the nice fresh air from a window near by . I got to clear my head a bit but the place was still spinning and blury. As I was walking out to go back to cherry and Julie I saw Tyson. "Hey Tyson why are you here? ". "It's a bar I come here sometimes,  why are you here you should be home resting". The fact that he cared for my well being really got to me but it seemed suspicious . I pulled him in the washroom. " why do you care now?". "Did Chad tell you to come here ?" . He looked at me like I was crazy. " ameliah no he didn't tell me anything I just came out like everyone else". I push him against the stall trying to demand the truth but he wasn't changing his story.  Have I gone crazy?. I couldn't  contain myself and started crying.  I'm losing my mind I need to go. " Tyson I have to go I'm sorry". Tyson then grabbed my arm and pulled me in for a hug. It's OK I understand would you like me to bring you home". I wanted to say yes but I was just focused on his aroma. He smelt like the sweetest thing I could imagine with a hint of spice. My arms wrapped around his neck and his wrapped around my back. I remembered when he once held me like that. I pull away from the hug and looked in his eyes. Thank you Tyson for being there for me. As our fingers intertwined I just got a butterfly feeling in my stomach. What I was feeling was wrong but what I wanted to do next maybe right. I grabbed his face and started kissing him. It was deep and sensual but it was a quick reaction to him being there for me. I pulled away and shock that I did that.  I ran out of there before he could say a word to me.  Why was I acting out this way when everyone just wants me to be better and to heal from this. But at the same time Tyson really made me feel good not like once before but better. I need help I know but this kind of help I need might change how I see things and how I feel forever. And that's a fear of mine now.

As the night came to an end and the girls dropped me home, all I could think about is why I even kissed Tyson. I moved onto better and Chad made me happy. "Night girl text me when you wake up" alright cherry later guys. I walked in the house and went to the kitchen for a drink. And I saw Chad on the couch he was sleeping. I took off my shoes and walked around to him. "Chad, Chad, Chad" . He sits up and looks at me with such a confused look on his face. It was the sexiest he's looked In the last couple of weeks and I wanted him. " Chad , I want you". I sit in his laps legs on both sides. I Knew he felt unsure about what I was saying but I needed to feel him. " Chad I want to feel you". He then presses his lips against mine in a deep kiss it felt painful but a good kind of pain that sends shocks to your body. He rips my shirt and kisses my neck and chest, squeezing my breast. He whispers for me to hold on to his neck and he stands up to pull down his pants. He then shifts my underwear from under my skirt and inserts himself in me. " ahhhh" he felt so good and I realized I missed him. He takes his time until I felt wet enough for him to go deeper and harder. "Ahh Chad don't stop". As he starts going faster my moans getting loud he's holding me tighter. I want to explode but I don't want this moment to end. Chad I'm Cumming ! He starts pounding me harder like he was about to cum as well  and within 2 mins! "Ahhhhhh yessssss" my legs become weak and Chad sits down in the couch me still on top of him. He kisses me and says he missed me and he's glad I had fun tonight. I felt so guilty knowing what I did but I didn't know how to tell him. " amileah?" You look sick are you okay ?. Well , I sat beside him and held his hand but I was scared. "So Chad I don't want to ruin tonight but I saw Tyson tonight and I ended up kissing him looking for comfort".  Chad looked at me with such rage. He got up and told me " I'm going to sleep in the guest room until I can look in your eyes and not see Tysons' lips touching yours". I tried to speak but he just tuned me out . I know I was wrong for that and I shouldn't have ruined the night but I had to tell him.

 I really do love Chad but I made a mistake.