Signs of the Past

Peter and I - Summer

Peter and I spent every moment we could together. I wanted to text him as soon as I found Olivia that afternoon, but thankfully Olivia talked me out of it. The plan was for me to hold off for a couple days, but I was nervous about him slipping away. After all, there were far prettier and more compelling girls to catch his eye. Ultimately, I texted him the next day, and because he's Peter and he can pull it off, he responded within an hour. 

On our first date, Peter and I spent the day at the beach. There were no sightings of Charlie and so I was relaxed, not my normal jittery self. Peter told me he visited Virginia Beach every summer with his parents. They had a big house on the Sandbridge beach and he often had friends come over for the weekend.

Peter's house was incredible and with his parents so often away doing work, he had some huge parties during the weekends. I didn't go to many of them. I didn't like the feeling that anybody could show up. I didn't trust Charlie to stay away. I hung out with Olivia most weekend nights.  I tried not to talk about Peter when I was with her, even though my mind was constantly on him. Sometimes, Olivia would hang out with Peter and I. I could tell she was happy for me and wanted to give us space. Maybe she was so cool about it all because she was there when Charlie was around or maybe because she's just a good friend. 

However, most of the summer it was just me and Peter. We went to the beach, we went to the movies, he went thrifting with me; my favorite thing to do with Peter was to sit beside him as he drove. He was happiest driving, he didn't mind what we listened to on the radio and he always held my hand. From our very first date our relationship was relaxed and easy, the exact opposite of how it was with Charlie. 

Right around the Fourth of July, I started to feel nervous. I was worried that Peter was slipping away from me, just like my perfect summer.  We were both going to college during the fall. Peter was going to be a sophomore at the University of Virginia and I was starting my freshman year at the University of Richmond. Although, he often talked about transferring. I never asked where he was thinking of transferring to. I didn't ask him because I never his comments about transferring seriously; most of Peter's buddies all went to UVA. 

"Do you want to stay together after summer?" I asked him. 

We were at the beach, it was dusk and we were some of the few people who had stuck around this late. Peter and I were sitting side by side on a beach towel, his arm was lazily wrapped around my back. 

I felt Peter tense up. "Why are you asking? Already itching to get rid of me?" He asked with a mocking tone. Despite his easy response, I could tell he was uncomfortable with the question. 

I pulled my hair to the side and looked over at him. "I'm serious." I said. 

I didn't know where Peter and I stood. I didn't know if he believed our relationship was a fling, or something long term. He called me his girlfriend to his parents, but maybe he did that with a lot of girls in past summers. I was so happy to have him, that I never wanted to question what we had. 

Peter scooted away from me and sat up to face me. "I don't want to break up." 

He looked so sweet. His eyes were big and serious. There was something so vulnerable about him in that moment. 

I reached out and placed my palms on his cheeks. Peter was the one to lean into me. When he kissed me I felt myself slipping away. The dreamy moment was illuminated by only the fading sunlight.  Peter started slowly with his lips softly pressed against mine and when the kiss became more passionate  we fell back on the beach towel. The moment didn't feel out of control or ravenous. Peter was gentle and patient. 

It was the first kiss I ever had with anyone where I was in love. It was magical and I didn't want it to end. 

That was the night Peter and I slept with each other, it was the only night we ever did. I was a virgin, I never asked Peter, but I think he was too. It was awkward and painful, but as we fell asleep side by side Peter whispered to me: "I love you, Margot. I'll always love you. You're the only girl on this planet for me."

I had never felt safer in my entire life.